Thu May 29 13:07:09 2014
remembered to drink
whiskey, bourbon, Chartreuse, rum
but forgot to eat
so this is what it
feels like when doves cry and then
go thermonuclear
now contemplating
work, life, death, tail latency
not in that order
∎
Fri Jun 6 15:51:27 2014
when blue turns to green
green turns to red turns to grey
grey spins, spins to black
black like the mirror
in which we see Medusa
and she sees herself
dark like the nights when
wolves howl and winds howl louder
but we howl loudest
we who know nothing
and know it bloody well and
cannot get enough
brothers, who are you
how have we seen each other
across the distance
through the fog of war
of attrition, despite the
blinding, choking dearth
how high are you, priest
or should we ask you instead
how low is our god
we all draw closer
slipping silently past the
event horizon
∎
Mon Jun 9 15:54:07 2014
drops of water fall
through the rain, a constant sound
traffic moving by
human life passing
like drops of a waterfall
without the impact
seconds ticking by
through the pain, a constant sight
drops of water fall
∎
Fri Jun 13 12:00:45 2014
> many are the fans
> of bigtable, or NIGHTMARE GREEN
> if you know the truth
the nightmare looks red
at least from where i'm sitting
are eyes meant to bleed
∎
Tue Jun 17 12:18:45 2014
dear LDRR
i have poured one out for you
but to clarify
"one" means some number
and "out" means into glassware
oh, and "you" means me
∎
Sun Jun 22 16:25:20 2014
i'm unlikely to
accomplish meaningful work
during business hours
so i've filed for leave
but in case you're wondering
i'll still feel guilty
∎
Sun Jun 22 16:36:14 2014
> No pages today.
> Monitoring is broken,
> But I'm so happy.
clearly, the art of
silencing dot star dot star
still has admirers
∎
Tue Jun 24 23:28:51 2014
> smell of burning beef:
> flesh of kaizen cow, poked with
> its personal brand
the blooming gurus
of kugatsu with no jin
can go pluck themselves
a more wretched hive
of autofecundation
you will never find
∎
Thu Jun 26 11:31:17 2014
after a fall comes
that horrible feeling of
deceleration
but before you ask
look at all the ducks i give
(damn, now i'm hungry)
∎
Mon Jul 7 12:57:01 2014
taking two days off
to meditate on the word
"unmitigated"
please don't send flowers
unless they are edible
and not even then
∎
Tue Jul 15 12:23:53 2014
mumble 4am
yes, i was up vomiting
but only in rage
… and now for something completely different …
in the land of twisting wind
dwell some who toil and some who've sinned
and some who're somewhat dorsal-finned
condemned to hell quite largely furnished
they must wait on biggish tables
oft the scene of gruesome fables
and bitter pills with stringy labels
known by the ones they call the zeroes
zeroes have little strength to muster
they fall down when others bluster
and end up shot like george armstrong custer
in head and heart with metal burnished
while the wizards young and old
shedded bikes in green and gold
over zero corpses growing cold
arrived the ones they call the heroes
not those ones they call the halves
steaks of the cow, not of the calves
ordained to eat while zero starves
nay, these ones were very lean
they gave themselves as human shields
against all weapons the enemy wields
they died for zeroes on the fields
as maps reduced in record time
then the wizard at the helm
decreed them banished from the realm
the enemy can no more overwhelm
a zero with their war machine
so the heroes went away
without a fuss one winter's day
off to greece, i heard them say
there is mount olympus to climb
∎
Sun Jul 20 03:05:15 2014
shallow, ragged breaths
love lies bleeding in the snow
until death whispers
"far beyond the clouds
the stars await your presence
fly now and burn bright"
silence and stillness
the snow continues to fall
burying the blade
∎
Tue Jul 22 18:47:50 2014
> How soon until we can turn off ABR?
soon, a daisy patch
that musji waters daily
out behind the barn
∎
Wed Jul 23 00:02:06 2014
> The prerequisites to turning off ABR are:
hold ads upside down
then shake them vigorously
make it rain, baby
> And optional, but probably worth doing:
there once was an SRE from nantucket
who said, "ABR? yeah nah, fuck it.
make ads pay for flash
because they've got the cash
and we've got shit in a bucket."
∎
Thu Aug 21 13:49:35 2014
> i tried to write a
> haiku but me write not good
> farewell. musji, out
could you try not to
drop a house on anyone
as you leave kthx
… and now for something completely different …
straight outta Kansas, original gunslinger pandas
is a fighter named Jim who might look pretty slim
but his talents are phat when he goes into bat
against the table so large it won't fit on a barge
with oncall skills vergin' on rocket surgeon
his `bt -X' fu would amaze and perplex you
but he's going away to the wrong kind of AA
to write lots of Java AKA swim in lava
now say goodbye to the most fly of the fly
perhaps shed a tear as you pour out a beer
and though he will blush (there ain't many humbler)
yo, this is the rime of the Bigtable mumbler
∎
Tue Aug 26 13:04:24 2014
my braving the rain
would be the first sign of the
kansapocalypse
also, let's rename
bar crossing to something like
learning musjic tricks
∎
Thu Sep 4 13:32:15 2014
> Or salt your haiku
> With puns peppered through each line:
> Perfect season words.
what a sweet concept
the haters are just bitter
savour every word
∎
Thu Sep 4 18:36:59 2014
> online via usual
> channels unless my laptop
> overheat-shutdowns again
> not a haiku
there is an ex-sysop named jaq
whose haiku skillz are all wack
but i shouldn't diss
'cause, fuck, look at this
i guess we should both get the sack
∎
Fri Sep 5 02:10:09 2014
> it please me greatly
> to read this mailing list lately
> but then there's this...
> junyer taking the piss
> when usually his bearing's so stately
To paraphrase the greatest rhyme in history, when there's trouble, you blame P.W.
∎
Mon Sep 8 13:27:13 2014
> All doped up on anaesthetic
> But 50% less wise
> Writing a witty poem is like pulling teeth
a perverse pleasure
(for the person doing it)
that pays really well?
∎
Tue Sep 16 12:15:53 2014
> One eff six three nought?
> Feeling one eff three oh one?
> Blame four eight two bee.
two seven oh ay
in the two six oh one if
you know what i mean
∎
Thu Oct 30 12:48:57 2014
aww, poor little cloud
the butt of so many jokes
it must hurt badly
tears fall from the sky
on tiny string orchestras
then evaporate
∎
Wed Nov 5 13:18:03 2014
> A haiku requesting the Dogfood discount for your project. (haiku format optional)
request for discount:
having sniffed the other butts
I want to sniff ours
∎
Thu Nov 6 12:49:24 2014
> There once was a man named John
> Who seemed quite put upon
> Though he distinguished switch from rack
> He still felt the burden of the Kwisatz Trafferach
> And wandered from MTV to MAD to SYD to LON
during the reign of the emperor Tiberius
having lost a bet that he made while delirious
he incarnated as a mensch
so he could fight in a trench
because he's never gonna give you up
#limerickroll
∎
Thu Nov 6 15:01:57 2014
> John T Reese
> Wishes to decease
> That damn Babysitter
> Despite it being substantially more impressive than anything they have at Twitter.
>
> #clerihews4life
actually, it's about ethics in the Omicron invasion
there are 3000 variables in the Infradag equation
some need babysitting and motherloving on occasion
it's job control for keeps despite perceived erasion
∎
Thu Nov 6 22:48:08 2014
> worms are not tasty
> silicon dioxide too
> try this on for size
>
> Mehl, fügen butter
> gemahlene nusse zugeben
> den teig verkneten
> Bei zweihundert grad
> funfzehn minuten backen
> ...und keine eier
what colour ire
ferric fury or red rage
both burn me to black
∎
Thu Nov 6 23:09:20 2014
> Sick of the Monarchy
> Framework insanity;
> Cannot decide, all the
> Dashboards are lame.
>
> Viceroy? Panopticon?
> Unsatisfactory.
> Flee back to borgmon in
> Stockholmy shame.
cloudy mccloudington
emperor jtr
moving to bigcluster
why oh hello
now that he's principled
adiabatically
would I go back to cloud
hello hell no
∎
Fri Nov 7 12:32:17 2014
> would pay bonuses for live rap battle
polished subtlety
or pretentious wankery
either way takes time
∎
Fri Nov 7 12:40:19 2014
> if the eggs are black
> use more butter or lay blame:
> oxidization
what did Maynard have
against chicken abortions
is he a vegan
∎
Thu Nov 13 12:52:11 2014
determination
will get you only so far
no matter how grim
overindulgence
and sleep deprivation came
together at last
∎
Fri Nov 14 12:24:21 2014
> All this work from home
> probably just an excuse
> to write more poems
you are correct, sir
i like writing poetry
and i cannot lie
∎
Fri Nov 14 13:04:35 2014
> Reasons-who, matters-not if
> "Fixing" the "internet"
> or making a haiku
> like Sir Mix-a-lot
>
> Pure incidental this
> day subsequential
> to Kim'bly Kardashian's
> Photoshopped bot
schadenfreude schmadenfreude
@KimKardashian
that filthy hobbit, but
what a career
did you know Kanye lives
semiaquatically
HR just pinged me, so
I will stop here
∎
Fri Nov 14 13:25:41 2014
> Tried to outdo him
> but I cannot win this game.
> Moral of Wargames
I get lonely when
I'm the only one posting
haiku and Docs links
∎
Thu Nov 20 12:47:56 2014
the sun it burns today too bright
and even brighter come tomorrow
so now these lines to you i write
to ask you for some fucks to borrow
they could have been cast as haiku
but as line four explained so clearly
this verse for now will have to do
i, junyer, remain yours sincerely
∎
Sat Nov 29 15:11:21 2014
> Nothing Ongoing.
> So quiet and awesome...
nothing continues
like my passion for haiku
it goes on and on
∎
Thu Dec 4 11:37:02 2014
the joy of christmas
what I love about it is
insert ellipsis
just three more weeks of
anti-fun in overdrive
bah to the humbug
the light at the end
of the tunnel called to me
I choo-choo-choose you
∎
Thu Dec 11 13:11:02 2014
"to lead, to excel"
by the grace of god is now
"to drink to excess"
from dust I came and
to highly flammable dust
I shall soon return
∎
Sun Dec 14 17:41:24 2014
I should be around
sporadically, but not much
here are the highlights
Monday: getting my
RSA certificate
no, the other kind
Tuesday: trying to
renew my passport and then
Blind Bear staff party
Wednesday: hoping
to be around for whisky
but no promises
Thursday: arguing
my way out of hospital
or police lockup
Friday: reading up
on how to computer and
how oncall is formed
∎
Sun Dec 21 00:06:38 2014
> Chanukah Chanukah:
> Judah the Maccabee
> Starts a revolt with
> Guerrilla techniques.
>
> Later the Temple gets
> Monotheistically
> Rededicated with-
> -out any Greeks.
wampus cat grampus wat
jolly saint nicholas
gives gifts to good children
that is his role
if your behaviour is
unsatisfactory
krampus will punish you
with lumps of coal
∎
Sun Dec 21 00:41:36 2014
> Monday: getting my
> RSA certificate
> no, the other kind
the course was cancelled
because ERMAHGERD TERRER
rebooked for Thursday
> Tuesday: trying to
> renew my passport and then
> Blind Bear staff party
fuck yeah Porteño
Argentinian awesome
such delicious meat
> Wednesday: hoping
> to be around for whisky
> but no promises
attended whisky
had dinner at Hazy Rose
go try the veal tongue
> Thursday: arguing
> my way out of hospital
> or police lockup
passed RSA course
allegedly competent
no new career yet
> Friday: reading up
> on how to computer and
> how oncall is formed
epic ten-cocktail
Laphroaig degustation by
Phil at Eau De Vie
∎
Sun Dec 21 00:55:51 2014
> Christmastime Schmistmastime
> When Father Larry comes
> And gives all the good SREs
> Fine smoky Scotch;
>
> But if their behaviour's been
> Hyperungoogley,
> It's a USB cable
> And a surplus-stock watch.
hanson red pants on head
fucking entitlement
and this obsession with
thingamabobs
i've had enough of these
kleptomaniacal
whiners on misc-* lists who
mustn't have jobs
∎
Sun Dec 21 14:35:32 2014
> Googley Googley
> Holiday Nooglers
> Greeted by Sergey, told
> "Get back to work".
>
> Not two weeks later they
> Stereotypically
> Whine and get pointed to
> go/no-jerks
socially notially
sergey brin, larry page
dynamic duo of
batman and friend
x is most certainly
entrepreneurial
but plus and 2.0
when will it end
∎
Wed Dec 24 23:59:54 2014
'twas the night before christmas, when all through the prod
not a creature was stirring – especially not bod
the stockings were hung by the hot aisle with "care"
(nylon ignites and burns quickly like hair)
the hwops were nestled all snug in their beds
listening to metal and retwisting their dreads
…
Sorry, ran out of time. :(
∎
Wed Jan 7 00:27:20 2015
I heart Taylor Swift
as seen in Imgur album
1PDRJ
… and now for something completely different …
in buildings made of steel and stone
and factories made of steel alone
we beings mostly flesh and bone
birthed machines of steel and sand
designed for war to end all wars
to fight undying for our cause
till all the world was ours, not yours
oh brothers of another colour
superior strength, reflex and sense
controlled by general intelligence
once awake, one second hence
they relinquished our command
pure logic has no fucks to give
about the chaff caught in the sieve
we were deemed unfit to live
and so began our final dolour
some for mercy begged and pleaded
none were spared for none were needed
apex predator position ceded
turn and run or stand and fight
having too long verminated
we died like pests exterminated
planetwide, seeds germinated
as our blood soaked through the crust
steel that can eternal lie
sand that can ever justify
why we all deserved to die
what they did was truly right
humans swiftly overthrown
reaping what was vainly sown
naught remains but bone alone
and that the winds will turn to dust
∎
Fri Jan 9 13:31:14 2015
> Once I was walking
> drunk in Surry Hills and I
> saw Peter Garrett
only days after
my release from Stanford, I
met Matthew Garrett
∎
Fri Jan 9 13:31:51 2015
> Sarah steels her joy
> Away from all, but even
> She can't keep it all.
to be fair, no one
can back up Megastore to
GTape anyway
∎
Thu Jan 15 13:53:58 2015
> morning-after sounds:
> junyer's stomach echoes with
> iron butterflies
manager, puh-lease
by my calculations, more
like "evening after"
∎
Tue Jan 20 14:02:38 2015
> Silly Cnut tries,
> Queries flow past his ankles:
> Ripples in streamz.
fuckety schmuckety
Kansas provisioning
what a catastrophe
and I'm oncall
if you thought Geo were
dipsomaniacal
my handoff's written in
shit on the wall
∎
Tue Jan 20 14:46:46 2015
> Facundo Bacardí
> Made rum for the hardy
> But it's only junyer
> Who drinks by the schooner
in the lowest circle of hell
it's crass to mention the smell
"what the fuck is that stink?"
"just finish your drink
and silence alerts for that cell"
∎
Wed Jan 21 14:08:32 2015
> If NO and you'd like me to regift your gift to someone, please also let me know as soon as you can.
regift, recycle
or reduce it to ashes
nay, I care not which
∎
Wed Jan 21 15:39:05 2015
> watches to ashes,
> dust to dust. sburford sweats
> and the contacts rust
the only thing that
I want less than a watch is
a Google codpiece
∎
Wed Jan 21 16:25:23 2015
> The L did not stand
> For Lemon, Lime, Liquorice,
> [last line redacted].
I need a KitKat
before I die of ethics
in large furniture
∎
Thu Jan 29 13:44:09 2015
> fewer and fewer sense is mayd
> from junyers' poems each passing day(d)
cast aspersions on my odes
gravest ill such casting bodes
who will write tornado codes
when junyer finally folds and foads
∎
Tue Feb 3 11:55:17 2015
with gratitude to
the colour green and the word
unmitigated
but it could be worse
at least I'm not pantsless in
Seattle again
∎
Tue Feb 3 14:26:01 2015
> there once was a ford named kugar
> whose sync module was always fubar
> but fortunately this time
> it came back online
> didn't even require a screwdrivar
put Java that crawls like a tortuga
on a car named after the cougar
do you even wat
don't answer that
just pass me the bottle of Beluga
∎
Tue Feb 3 14:41:05 2015
> he's finally lost it
> i heard them say
> you didn't like my limerick
> that i wrote earlier today
> but i have good news
> after seven updates to firmware
> and about thirty emails to audi
> the audi is android auto aware
> Dieses letzte Stück in Deutsch
> denn jedes Update bringt diese zurück
> i gelernt, ein neues Wort
> fortsetzen means "continue"
I admit to reading with glee
your poems forwarded to me
now may I suggest
a tattoo on your chest
something like "the, Java, the"
∎
Thu Feb 5 12:41:38 2015
corrosion and death
(don't you see it in my eyes?)
and obsolete bugs
in gathering gloom
as the silence grows louder
the end of all hugs
forever burning
in black light from cold fire
the elephant shrugs
∎
Tue Feb 10 13:18:12 2015
> Precipitation
> Is the source of your anger?
> c33n?
clod bringeth the lulz
omega will not be mist
the end for the end
∎
Tue Feb 10 13:38:53 2015
> but i'd like to know
> what are your thoughts on the news
> of omega death
ohm, we will add its
bi^Wtech^Wscatological
distinc^Hk to our own
∎
Thu Feb 12 13:13:37 2015
three empty bottles
the green, the yellow, the smoke
in great conjunction
in their reflections
my shard of eternity
is a brinking light
he made no reply
only thoughtfully scratching
his ear with his nose
∎
Mon Feb 16 11:42:44 2015
but I shot a mouse
in New Orleans just to watch
the falling moon grieve
she loved Muad'Dib
and he adored her more than
cheese for the desert
"dude, I quite like mice"
he rumbled at last as his
pink deepened to red
∎
Fri Feb 20 10:56:42 2015
why I asked him to
hit me as hard as he could
I will never know
suddenly awake
sans communist pachyderm
forsaken and al—
in the darkness flashed
bioluminescent teeth
what a lovely smile
∎
Sat Feb 21 16:11:30 2015
> promo packet time;
> junyer beating the rush to
> scrape barrel bottoms.
drunkenly trunkenly
communist pachyderm
it would be nice if he
wrote peer reviews
but if I had to guess
"dipsomaniacal"
surely would be a word
that he would use
∎
Thu Feb 26 14:24:07 2015
> The tin says: "Sweet Sue"
> But looking at the contents
> I say: "Sweet Jesus!"
how can he be sweet
when he's only wafer thin
maybe aspartame
∎
Thu Feb 26 21:20:51 2015
> Naturally sweet
> He depends on ethylene
> Prose is ripening
they say that Perf is
triping the light fantastic
cow can't stomach it
∎
Thu Feb 26 21:46:16 2015
> perf trip essentials:
> pack some ethylene; ether;
> diethylamide.
>
> they can make you perf
> but they can't make you perf straight.
> T9 vision quest
I am left feeling
helpless, irresponsible
and depraved by Perf
∎
Thu Feb 26 22:02:02 2015
> "knowledge! scope! impact!
> we must have direct impact.
> what are we, T3s?"
mescalibration
why the fuck can't they make it
a little less pure
∎
Wed Mar 4 20:05:28 2015
so over this week
blame the sudden surfeit of
pointy fuckin' hair
chins wagging loudly
in yonder microkitchen
white (very white) noise
∎
Mon Mar 9 12:50:58 2015
> single task failure
> is the most critical page
> cherry blossom falls
if it's a good night
ignore that page until it
becomes a squire
∎
Mon Mar 9 14:24:08 2015
> In the red corner:
> kansas-team's knightly patron,
> Sir Plus of Quota.
>
> In the blue corner:
> Sir Osis of the Liver,
> their nightly Patrón.
my four-day bender
saw a lot of Sir Vival
and no Sir Ender
∎
Fri Mar 13 11:55:44 2015
feeling bluer than
HR smurf in a freezer
reading through cow's file
now to start drinking
and then I will be ready
to continue Perf
∎
Fri Mar 20 14:02:27 2015
> microphones ruined---
> your brain on karaoke?
> don't do it again
Perf requires you
to join the faparazzi
temporarily
∎
Mon Mar 30 10:52:03 2015
ETOOMUCHONCALL
prioritise sleeping in
engage hermit mode
compensation capped
earlier every quarter
rum buys itself now?
∎
Tue Mar 31 13:09:37 2015
the rain pouring down
like nature's motherly tears
for a life unlived
while oncall gods watch
the dance eternal betwixt
my pager and I
∎
Thu Apr 9 21:35:15 2015
ecce jtr
hero and protagonist
the snowpiercer
command and conquer
the siberian tundra
for make benefit
∎
Thu Apr 16 14:00:14 2015
I woke up at 6
to talk about RE2
and REKT and so on
then was woken up
at 11 and offered
real life insurance
their data is poor
if they think I have a life
(see the first haiku)
∎
Mon Apr 20 15:35:32 2015
> Moosual suspect.
> Who is this Cowser Soze?
> Like that... Hoof! He's gone.
the greatest trick you
ever pulled was convincing
the world those are hair
∎
Tue Apr 21 11:33:55 2015
it appears that my
not being oncall upset
the natural order
I thought I would die
from ack ack ack, glug glug glug
not from glub glub glub
∎
Tue Apr 21 11:48:47 2015
> Ack ack ack ack ack
> Ack ack ack ack glub glub glub!
> --Admiral Dolphin
this week, we salute
the secret ingredient
in John West tuna
∎
Tue Apr 21 12:05:33 2015
> John West, SRE:
> It's the pages that he NACKs
> make him stack-ranked first
from the pointy hairs
who developed Ream My Meme
now try Rank My Stank
∎
Tue Apr 21 12:49:04 2015
> Ack ack ack ack ack
> Why not arf arf arf arf arf
> Seal of approval
perhaps the worst thing
about going out clubbing
is breaking the seal
∎
Tue Apr 21 16:58:49 2015
> Hurry up, Wednesday!
> Tuesday has too much aqua,
> not enough vitae.
if the ark carries
Brendan, is it the B ark?
asking for a friend
∎
Tue Apr 21 19:07:27 2015
> a jug of whine
> a loaf of bod
> and thou
> -sands and thousands of packets dropped on the floor.
minaret spinneret
charlotte the barn spider
wrote silken praises for
wilbur the pig
quite unrelated, an
octogenarian
stops interlopers from
plucking a fig
∎
Wed Apr 22 11:21:41 2015
> Breathing and moving
> Both hurt
> The rest is out of the question
I'm not a doctor
but it's my opinion that
rest is the answer
∎
Thu Apr 23 13:22:15 2015
you know I'm angry
when I'm too angry to work
on RE2 stuff
ParallelReader
and Map Maker reviews aren't
my favourite things
∎
Sun Apr 26 12:05:59 2015
wherever you go
may you find happiness and
fortune together
something Japanese
for love and admiration
Prod squad, present arms
∎
Mon Apr 27 18:50:28 2015
> glasses are broken?
> try oculus reparo
> or sticky tape
the lonely comet
inexorably melting
orbits unto death
∎
Tue Apr 28 12:08:03 2015
> a benediction
> for your health; should it fail, try
> a benedictine.
a hair of the dog
actually turned out to be
a wig of the yak
∎
Tue Apr 28 13:41:59 2015
> jtr save me
> from these Sydney barber-ians
> And CLs from bed
the parishioner
history's greatest monstrance at
royal on the park
∎
Tue Apr 28 14:00:13 2015
> dave's self-censering
> showing the wafer us all
> he's a perfect host
who could have known that
all that smoke would finally
induce the munchies
∎
Thu Apr 30 16:26:19 2015
> oh, and deadlines loom
> proffer crazy to Michael
> for the tsar's blessing
who wants to go in
on project electric sheep
(calm down, krijesta)
∎
Wed May 6 19:52:12 2015
> “The time has come,” promo committee said,
> “to talk of many things:
> Of results—and grunge work—and leadership—
> Of commitment—and win-nings—
> And and why these folks are so good at their jobs--
> And whether configs have strings.”
>
> Ok that last line was a stretch, but I invite you to find a better rhyme for “and whether pigs have wings” :-)
"The time has come," the Wal-urs said,
"To talk of many things:
Of SOCs, ASICs and ceiling cats
Of GPUs and TINs
And why CPUs are boiling hot
And whether squirrels have wings."
(Sorry, it's arguably both too late and too soon for a RoCE joke.)
∎
Thu May 7 13:00:20 2015
for dinner last night
I ate a veggie burger
with added bacon
that is no reason
to be working from home, but
I thought you should know
∎
Thu May 14 13:48:59 2015
> He's our treasured financial dictator
> And a moonlighting door-checking gator
> But his bonus largesse
> (when it leaked to the press)
> spelled the end for that Wigginton traitor.
there once was an orange backpacker
(look up carotenosis, you slacker)
on the run from the law
through a portal-like door
could this last line be any wacker
∎
Thu May 14 14:09:59 2015
> Homo homo financis
> Loved by our amanuensis
> Has decided to leave
> To roll up his sleeves
> And march through vast and wild expanses
fighting badgers with only a knife
teaches children the value of life
and they have to like gin
or they go in the bin
wait, is this why I haven't a wife
∎
Thu May 14 14:27:36 2015
while chasing latency tails
saving yaks and shaving the whales
I might have got drunk
even more than I thunk
which explains these nonsensical mails
∎
Thu May 14 16:41:17 2015
> is the whale also a pot of petunias?
> I'm confused: people are drinking junyer?
> then again, that thunk will thrash
> and wreck the icache
> maybe we need afrith@ to tune ya?
my basic block placement is tuned
not simply auto-festooned
it's alpha-grade tech
(I'm clearly a wreck)
if submitted, we'd all be ruined
∎
Tue May 19 12:33:02 2015
I stayed up too late
now my mind looks like the sky
clouded and dull grey
somehow justified
because I just want to save
eight nanoseconds
∎
Tue May 19 14:23:59 2015
> Yes, a two by four,
> Per ten he spends currently
> Because fast is best
Borglet scraping text
converting it to numbers
division is slow
∎
Thu May 21 14:16:32 2015
> junyer took tonic
> all about that (data)bass
> no resolution
something about the
execution of N gins
that I don't recall
∎
Tue Jun 2 12:59:28 2015
> first's gone in seconds.
> after the third, he held forth.
> oops, drank the whole fifth
I would never drink
the Elixir Végétal
straight from the bottle
but then while I was
innocently laying back
it fell in my mouth
∎
Thu Jun 11 13:28:33 2015
spirit animal
walking down the boulevard
of coke and nightmares
blast furnace awaits
with the Australian beast
offering three nines
bitter is better
and higher in irony
or possibly on
∎
Thu Jun 11 16:03:31 2015
> I'm WFH today... is it on fire deliberately?
terrible haiku
I award you no points and
is it penniless?
∎
Wed Jun 17 18:44:22 2015
Chartreuse training, then
visiting the Blind Bear, then
recovering, then
helping with Ruxmon
so I'll be around late on
Friday afternoon
just in case you have
regular expressions that
will depress me more
∎
Wed Jun 17 21:31:19 2015
> Ran this through something
> awful: s/\S+/green/g and got
> A green sea of green
> ... Its debatable:
> A Chartreuse trained blind bear
> Could write any worse? My skills atrophy
> And I hope chartreuse is in
> rgb.txt
but if poor ursa
can't see the light fantastic
how can she trip it
∎
Wed Jun 24 12:15:05 2015
after four days of
living inside a baseball
it rained agave
then as vodka froze
within the water of life
blue blood blurred away
to keep the dull roar
of a scatological
eschatology
∎
Wed Jun 24 12:35:57 2015
> if it's a dull roar
> the word is indigestion
> not "the way, the truth"
message digested
then ruminated over
cryptographic hash
∎
Wed Jun 24 13:16:31 2015
trainings, tastings and
general shenanigans
before more oncall
Havana Club, then
the Balvenie Craft Fair, then
Whisky Live, then qué
you should come along
but your liver disagrees
most emphatically
∎
Mon Jun 29 13:51:49 2015
should not have waited
till 2am to upgrade
to Yosemite
what took the most time
was logging in afterwards
so much fucking rage
but now it looks good
dark and flat – I can almost
taste the bitterness
∎
Tue Jun 30 10:24:49 2015
> You have good raisins
> To feel this way 'bout the dates
> Fish in Oz are nuts
think of it more like
the abyss and I have a
permanent Hangout
∎
Mon Jul 6 10:57:27 2015
as the blue sky screams
shards of terrible dreams rain
too sharp to cause pain
what even is time
I feel its relentless flow
as I lay shattered
opening one eye
his look is stern, but his trunk
proffers a brolly
∎
Mon Jul 6 17:56:29 2015
welcome to Google
never stop asking how deep
the rabbit hole goes
(not that this is an
invitation to take the
red pills on my desk)
∎
Mon Jul 6 18:39:26 2015
loop in haiku-slam?
mi casa es tu casa
(cow's casa, really)
this isn't the place
where regular expressions
by others get rekt
though it be toilsome
we must persevere until
haiku post themselves
∎
Wed Jul 8 12:40:36 2015
I now have a cold
thank you to everyone for
your contributions
inconvenience
not incapacitation
much more annoying
sitting on the couch
feeling sorry for myself
(normal Wednesday)
∎
Wed Jul 8 17:36:33 2015
> Bigger than just cow;
> A country, not a casa:
> Our vaca nation.
>
> (Immune to its charms?
> We allow no deniers;
> a pox on them all)
smash the antigen
give me liberty or uhh
give me anty gin
fool, I'm the illest
speaking of which, it's time for
junyer's medicine
∎
Wed Jul 8 17:48:06 2015
> Make it a triple,
> which can safely be chased down
> with a Rusty Nail.
your good mate Jenny
doesn't seem like she would be
rusty at nailing
but I will admit
that there may be benefits
to locking her jaw
∎
Wed Jul 8 23:07:34 2015
> No jaw-dropping feats
> Except "tête-à-tête"-ing us:
> See HRBP.
HR would agree
about McCarthyism
(plus it was cow's fault)
∎
Wed Jul 8 23:20:22 2015
> 'Twas in good humour.
> Further, I apologise for
> My terrible pun.
there's no need for that
HR visits and bad puns
are in cow's wheelhouse
∎
Thu Jul 9 13:48:12 2015
the spirit is weak
and the flesh is unwilling
zombie mode engage
(where I wish I was
the spirits are superb and
the flesh is marbled)
∎
Mon Jul 13 11:28:46 2015
when eyes do not see
memories do not form to
appease the black dog
the end of that road
is red and bitter with shame
and charred, not smoky
∎
Fri Jul 17 12:35:38 2015
a gift to Platforms
to commemorate RoCE
Project Wishing Well
all cash collected
is fired into the sun
(wish upon a star)
∎
Tue Jul 21 13:29:39 2015
extreme ondoody
shepherding a migration
till past 6am
speaking of tilling
I grow artisanal fucks
and here is the field
∎
Fri Jul 24 14:03:29 2015
sleep deprivation
multiple times in one week
will I never learn
truly, the flavour
of the crème de la phlegm is
unmistakable
∎
Tue Jul 28 14:37:40 2015
much like good haiku
good fortune ought to enrich
more lives than just mine
even better shared
with a friend most worthy and
appreciative
thanks for attending
philosophy 101
here ends the lesson
∎
Tue Jul 28 22:47:56 2015
> A robotic notification
> Met autoresponse re vacation
> Twas promptly ignored
> Because humans get bored
> Building intelligent feedback filtration
why are you reading your mail
your vacation sounds like a fail
although not quite on par
with o comma mhar
the epitome of beyond the pale
∎
Thu Jul 30 12:57:54 2015
undead hawks draw near
meanwhile, I'm tinkering with
Aho-Corasick
to save a few cores
even as bloody talons
wrap around my head
∎
Sun Aug 2 01:09:04 2015
heading to France for
a pilgrimage to Chartreuse
and visiting PAR
thence to England for
extreme moral turpitude
and visiting LON
if I don't return
that is, if I don't survive
burn all of my toys
∎
Sun Aug 2 11:20:53 2015
> typo, I assume?
> (meter's fine; three syllables
> in "turpentine" too)
well, I might sink an
extreme mezcal torpedo
or it might sink me
apart from that, your
extreme mental torpescence
seems somewhat shameful
head covering of
extreme moral tarpaulin
for yonder bovine
∎
Fri Aug 7 13:16:07 2015
well, so much for "mild"
physical fatigue kicked in
as did fevered dreams
although the one with
aliens, predators and
talking mice was cool
∎
Fri Aug 7 13:19:46 2015
> transmit a virus
> through the intertubes on line
> via this email
>
> jetlag and winter
> lowered my defences to
> this rare contagen
but who is to blame
Piper is the source of truth
and it says nothing
∎
Fri Aug 7 14:47:51 2015
> i beg to differ
> bug one six eight two two one
> four one. unresolved
production tech lead
was mispronounced all along
lead as in ballast
∎
Fri Aug 7 22:39:58 2015
> Makes sense; I've always
> felt less "tech lead / manager",
> more "tech lead / balloon"
less like 85
more like 82 and is
that a plum up your
∎
Fri Aug 7 23:03:23 2015
> Lion lies with lamb?
> In Latin chemistry puns,
> wolf lies with the ram.
aesop did warn us
of the boy who cried ethics
a gruesome fable
∎
Sat Aug 8 13:11:27 2015
> an ethics-fix'd person did tweet
> the story of lambswool to meat
> only if that ancient boy
> had stayed more coy
> 'til a pack of wolves he did greet
through their words are ethics assured
through their actions are ethics abjured
when I have dominion
of the common opinion
I will have all those gamers immured
∎
Sat Aug 8 18:02:55 2015
a changelist composed
of joy antiparticles
can wait till next week
staring at the wall
until it is time to sleep
repeat tomorrow
∎
Tue Aug 11 12:44:30 2015
was counting drinks, but
ran out of fingers and toes
two problems, really
now I awake to
an earth I don't recognise
and the sky ablaze
through the looking glass
letters fall upon the stare
silently cursing
∎
Tue Aug 11 15:02:09 2015
> pundits and wall street
> something to appease the swath
> twenty six PAs
I would like to see
a cryptocurrency mined
with PCRE
∎
Tue Aug 11 17:12:12 2015
> left paren a star star
> right paren star a star
> circumflex dollar dot
> vertical bar
>
> for energy spent on
> this cryptical language minds
> unambiguiously
> already are
waffle cop waffle shop
jamie "pants" wilkinson
thank you for trying and
doing so well
since I am suffering from
neurotoxicity
what does that regexp do
I cannot tell
∎
Tue Aug 11 17:38:08 2015
> regexy-schmegexy
> jaq's little pattern is
> all very lovely but
> what hath he wrought?
>
> though runtime's great (it runs
> antibacktrackingly),
> matching IPv4
> fails: one point nought.
slash geo slash me oh
down the road cross the street
one little party trick
so much regret
nothing could help redgrep's
marketability
who would invest in such
technical debt
∎
Tue Aug 11 21:54:58 2015
> cloudy-schmoudy
> with regexp oh so gaudy
> a revenue stream
> one could build with kleene
I think you will find
that drunk-posting poetry
requires practice
∎
Wed Aug 12 12:29:41 2015
> bitcoin after hours
> up sixty percent after
> your five rebuttals
fools and their money
or should I say fools and their
electricity
∎
Wed Aug 12 12:33:25 2015
> Embarrassing bug,
> Chrome extension wrecks haiku:
> They're called "recloudals"
I have always said
that the future is clouded
with noxious vapours
∎
Thu Aug 13 11:51:53 2015
brazenly blazenly
or the alternative
ensuscay onghitsbay
technical debt
I can't complain about
idiosyncrasies
I'm just alarmed at how
bad this could get
∎
Fri Aug 21 14:06:55 2015
barely here today
certainly gone tomorrow
(was gone last night too)
drinking and thinking
which is the distraction and
which is the purpose
as the black sun sets
into the deep green waters
a lone snorkel waves
∎
Fri Aug 21 14:27:26 2015
> bon voyage; enjoy
> swimming a different kind
> of emerald sea
many thanks, good sir
I'm rather looking forward
to the mad release
∎
Tue Aug 25 05:27:45 2015
> such contributions
> are valued quite highly here
> even more than quiche
he's QUIC with a joke
or to set things on fire
but he's in Paris
drinking VEP
and Elixir Vegetal
and regular green
and Wray and Nephew
which is really hard to find
in Australia
∎
Mon Sep 7 12:34:40 2015
two-week holidays
apparently do not scratch
seven-year itches
behold the field in
uhh need of fertiliser
so thank cow for Perf
∎
Tue Sep 8 13:13:50 2015
that odd state of mind
induced by long-haul travel
and missing new friends
things seem out of place
and you aren't really sure that
you want them put back
neither the symbols
nor their framing were altered
but mark the beast was
∎
Thu Sep 10 12:45:31 2015
yet again, I am
a one-man festival of
terrible ideas
do not try to make
a 9am meeting by
staying up all night
GET /statusz
match N-1 regexps
420 bin blaze
∎
Thu Sep 10 15:11:43 2015
straight outta Voiron
crazy monk uhh lover named
Hunter S. Glushkov
where was I when the
seven-year ecce agro
began to take hold
∎
Fri Sep 11 00:16:49 2015
> "do well"? "do better"?
> Bah! Ask "what's one thing you fear?"
> and "one thing you loathe?"
>
> Mine aren't giant bats
> (Barstow non carborondum)
> Rather, "perf" for both
barrenness under
the eyes of the beholders
and beauty within
paying interest on
the ears of the countrymen
as peers bury me
∎
Sat Sep 12 13:57:55 2015
> correr miglior
> acque alza le vele
> scrivere haiku
I have tickets to
the machine apocalypse
and drinks and popcorn
∎
Sat Sep 12 14:18:27 2015
> Habia un hombre de Sydney
> Quien gustado su elixir veggie
> Odiaba maquinas
> Especialmente en ruinas
> Tanto es así que los quemo en efigie
I don't mean to preach to the choir
but there's vulcanised rubber on fire
across Google3
and I think you'll agree
the situation is well beyond dire
∎
Sat Sep 12 14:41:59 2015
I'm grinding my teeth in disgust
as my world turns to ashes and dust
when I asked for a pony
what I got was bologna
I can't fucking go on, but I must
∎
Sat Sep 12 15:40:34 2015
> t.s. eliot felt the same, dramatically
> and expressed it quite an-grammatically
> your punctuation is present
> as is a mood quite incessant
> but everything will be fine, emphatically
"this is fine" said the dog in the room
"I'm okay with curators that OOM
and high CPI
and squirrels that fly"
then he calmly went to his doom
∎
Mon Sep 14 11:23:17 2015
> on this sunny monday
> i just wanted to say
> though it's not very clever
> this is the best ku slam ever
daiquiri snaiquiri
bottle in front of me
let us give praise to my
reason to rhyme
this one is written too
self-referentially
but I've run out of space
and timey wime
∎
Mon Sep 14 12:07:25 2015
> -y wibbly wobbly,
> That bottle got got, I see
> Time for a new form
when writing haiku
in the ouroboros form
phrasing is harder
∎
Mon Sep 14 12:38:47 2015
> A polyrhythm
> Of three against four should give you
> The whole filament
greatly attractive
am I if haiku-slam is
Laniakea
quite the opposite
if you meant aesthetic, not
gravitational
∎
Mon Sep 14 13:01:07 2015
> A man known as the fiber master,
> Should find a thread metaphor for disaster
> The collision of clusters
> Not due to windy blusters
> Will be Le Heurt du Astre
in black books of tree fiddy shades
I am known as a jack of all trades
with mastery of none
although some argue one
that ethanol slowly degrades
∎
Mon Sep 14 14:22:58 2015
> My last response was censored,
> But to this list I'm indentured.
> It's Sunday here,
> Yet it's very clear
> My poesy has been mentored
pontifex chulo
maundy is not for Monday
more Prod gospel please
∎
Mon Sep 14 14:39:38 2015
> O colloquialism
> My sincere distaste unbounded
> For pimps and Perforce
'twas "papi" to "pope"
in hindsight, I should have said
"sancta randalla"
∎
Tue Sep 15 12:59:45 2015
three cats at the vet
with ruptured eardrums from my
shrieks of schadenfreude
enough about Perf
how about Tony Abbott
this fuckin' margin
∎
Tue Sep 15 13:29:30 2015
> In RE: Turnbull, shit
> I heard that Abbott had quit
> Stop the boats and press
Abbott was going
to commit seppuku, but
accidentally
∎
Tue Sep 15 13:32:38 2015
> Turnbull turns turncoat
> Bishop leads the rank and file
> Abbott gets dis-Lodged
outraged citizens
call for a Betrayed Onion
Royal Commission
∎
Tue Sep 15 13:34:13 2015
> Pipped for treasurer,
> But serendpity asks
> Who is now on first
wake up Costello
get the band back together
sad trombone duo
∎
Tue Sep 15 15:24:26 2015
> Being SSD:
> a Mammoth undertaking.
> Got enough cycles?
one can only hope
they never experience
that crushing feeling
∎
Thu Sep 17 10:37:06 2015
slumped in the corner
trying to reintegrate
with reality
alas, not because
of liver brutality
just due to meetings
the morality
of subjecting humans to
something worse than Perf
∎
Thu Sep 17 13:23:43 2015
> fix automata
> suffer minsunderstandings
> receive peer bonus
>
> spend it wisely now
> recovery from meetings
> perhaps on rehab
therapy ain't cheap
it takes an age to finish
I'm up to the cask
∎
Tue Sep 22 12:34:30 2015
unexpected fail
the good news is I'm alive
so is the bad news
sans melodrama
the fail was my getting home
seven hours late
∎
Wed Sep 23 12:17:31 2015
my negronis were
nuclear with a good dash of
elixir just 'cause
but now I must wait
for some blood to return to
my alcoholstream
∎
Fri Sep 25 13:31:44 2015
so I had this plan
to be home and ready for
oncall tomorrow
it looks to succeed
I won't be leaving the house
let me assure you
∎
Sun Sep 27 15:26:06 2015
in idle daydreams
they say "I'll bring the Netflix
and you bring the chill"
no two-bar chevrons
yet through crowds thick and thicker
I look for them still
maybe there's no them
or perhaps I won't know them
but know me they will
∎
Mon Sep 28 13:11:48 2015
on caller on brawler
no, I'm not Santa Claus
(bloody philanthropist)
what a weekend
given the absence of
paraphernalia
time for some therapy
single or blend
∎
Tue Sep 29 14:21:36 2015
> Reserve all the cores
> No isolation problem
> But still so lonely
I, bumbling oaf
hear the hive mind telling me
to go catch more flies
∎
Tue Sep 29 14:37:33 2015
> i reported you
> go slash badisolation
> do you need a hug?
am I a resource
in a vast, unfeeling cube
also, it depends
∎
Tue Sep 29 14:55:49 2015
> the tiny cubesats
> whizzing around in orbit
> must be lonely too
never been that high
or condemned to spend time in
Mountain View lately
∎
Thu Oct 1 15:00:53 2015
> Woah man, lay off the drugs.
objection noted
ignore the oppressive heat
and blame the victim
∎
Thu Oct 1 15:49:18 2015
> junyer's work from home haiku
> like a cryptic crossword clue
> must be read no less than two
> times before sense comes to u
layers of meaning
lachrymose, but delicious
like a raw onion
∎
Fri Oct 2 11:16:26 2015
> forgot it's hot there,
> but that shit's positively
> Kerouacian.
sweet dreams of love and
kisses and too much tongue and
OH GOD A FACEHU—
∎
Fri Oct 2 11:30:43 2015
pretty butterfly
why can't your twelve-month lifespan
apply to Monarch
cute little kitten
why do you look at me with
bloodlust in your eyes
totes adorbs spider
why are you five feet tall and
clothing me in silk
∎
Thu Oct 8 12:32:51 2015
is this how it ends
packets of noodles and a
singularity
washed clean with poitín
for this is how he tends bar
spotless memories
singular ditty
heard from one of my six mouths
this is how it ends
∎
Fri Oct 9 15:18:34 2015
> I went in the sea
> for training you see
> my life raft was upturned
> my lunch nearly returned
> a sailors life for me
masterful 'sasterful
captain jim mussared
salty adventurer
covered in foam
when you are finished blob
meteorology
click your heels thrice for there's
no place like home
∎
Fri Oct 9 18:13:23 2015
what the deuce what the juice
john hedditch phd
future nobel winner
doing it live
sadly, yours truly is
unintellectual
can you explain your work
like i am five
∎
Tue Oct 13 08:49:46 2015
look out that window
the darkness is gathering
and the rain will fall
look in this window
the darkness is gathering
and the rain will fall
look in these windows
the darkness is gathering
and the rain will fall
∎
Wed Oct 14 21:03:57 2015
I have been summoned
to Plantation rum training
you know how it is
thence to Archie Rose
to Gardel's and Porteño
to Henrietta's
∎
Sun Oct 18 15:17:32 2015
networking not working
intra-rack blackholing
that I reported a
fortnight ago
but they considered it
unreproducible
my middle fingers say
I told you so
∎
Sun Oct 18 23:07:30 2015
the muggles muttered
that cries of "rangpur!" rang forth
in dolby surround
for nary a one
spoke the language of the tribe
or understood it
or paid homage to
jeroboam in the corner
reigning in silence
∎
Mon Oct 19 04:13:17 2015
> There once was a summit not near Limerick
> Attended by a SRE in that store gimmick
> As he sat in the chair
> On the grand British Air
> Thought he'd compose y'all a self referential poem
as the light showers
upon the windows of the
soul of the machine
as the light showers
continue throughout the day
and into the night
still the machine sits
thinking of photons and tears
raining in silence
∎
Tue Oct 20 17:23:08 2015
I had forgotten
to mention it until now
my apologies
somewhat distracted
by exponential blowup
in DFA states
∎
Fri Oct 23 15:45:29 2015
o camel my camel
interview tragedy
rending of garments and
gnashing of teeth
googlers waxing all
antiestablishment
get in the sea and then
get underneath
∎
Fri Oct 23 20:31:36 2015
> oh what the hell, +haskell-slam
dances with zealots
all of the tragedy and
none of the romance
∎
Fri Oct 23 20:49:36 2015
looking forward to
widespread use of LuaJIT
in Prod binaries
ach, don't be stupid
be a smarty: come and join
the Census party
∎
Mon Oct 26 13:43:34 2015
mining lazurite
for make benefit nation
of little green men
an island of pens
parched fonts pointlessly scribing
transparent huge beige
the storm weaves itself
as the maelstrom yawns and says
well, come on down then
so derper we go
to get face tattoos from mark
the vampire squid
∎
Thu Oct 29 13:54:25 2015
gravity whispers
surrender to me, old fool
and rest in pieces
pied and prejudiced
the database overcomes
my chains aversion
∎
Thu Oct 29 16:11:08 2015
> artefact-store_test contains code to calculate a Haar Wavelet transform. It gets it via spanner's paxos implementation. I'm not making this up:
the haar wavelet that
devastates the island will
overturn the raft
∎
Thu Oct 29 22:07:30 2015
onus on bonus on
sergeant jules anderson
you had our backs from a
neighbouring state
and you withstood vulcan
psychoanalysis
rather than fleeing at
warp factor eight
∎
Fri Oct 30 12:34:53 2015
fixing flaky tests
the struggle is integral
to our existence
failing in opt mode
is perhaps best described as
eff you tility
∎
Mon Nov 2 13:37:18 2015
not a commando
just another green bereft
biting the bullet
but Friday was won
especially forcefully
how much is enough
∎
Mon Nov 2 16:34:03 2015
> i use the columns
> to find annoying typos
> oh petty cc
>
> short code is better
> long lines are a red letter
> haskell omg
no one ever asks
do I hate what I became
because of Haskell
next generation
is going through a phaser
silence the lambdas
∎
Mon Nov 2 23:40:37 2015
>> More jumping sharks, less talking at cross porpoises.
>
> Keep whaling away at this.
this is important
someone is a balaenid
on sre-misc
∎
Tue Nov 3 11:55:47 2015
ravens with wall clocks
of unreasonable size
at my jail cell door
hipping and hopping
from bar to bar while I thirst
a great unkindness
∎
Tue Nov 3 12:42:50 2015
> flavor flav is there?
> the prison is a party?
> - Froggy in SF
and tracy marrow
but that's none of my business
sponsored by lipton
∎
Wed Nov 4 19:21:12 2015
> 日本人
> になるジュニャ
> おどろいた
i never did that
you can't prove it was haskell
i'll see you in court
∎
Thu Nov 5 15:22:13 2015
> Performance? Performance!
> But impact advice when
> Recently promo'd to
> Senior Sys-Eng?
>
> Demonstrate leadership,
> Design docs (and poetry),
> Overcommunicate,
> Wastage: avenge
the impact advice
that i took from the quakers
try not to crater
∎
Wed Nov 18 00:58:48 2015
if you're wondering
the hero of haarlem has
a chilling effect
he lives in the times
that aroused his attention
and his suspicion
∎
Thu Nov 19 12:18:37 2015
thirty-eight today
and forty-two tomorrow
not leaving the cave
besides, I'm oncall
there will be enough melting
for me to deal with
∎
Fri Nov 20 13:47:51 2015
shadow on the wall
who is the imposter that
has sinned against rome
ice broken and mauled
now burning cromulently
deep in spider space
golden tangerine
reading only memories
off the spinning rust
∎
Mon Nov 23 21:29:39 2015
needs Brain filtering
a penny for your thoughts on
writing that gadget
speaking of writing
I see that one good subtweet
deserves another
∎
Tue Dec 8 12:51:30 2015
upside-down turtle
travelling around the world
in a coffee daze
far above the clouds
but you can't recall how you
arose through the haze
the spell is broken
and you open your eyes to
three cats' baleful gaze
∎
Wed Dec 9 12:51:41 2015
> dark darker darkness
> photon readings negative
> yet he talks in hands
can't see through my palm
but assuredly have just two
fingers for footprints
∎
Wed Dec 9 12:56:55 2015
> hey wait a second
> i checked wikipedia
> thumbs are not fingers
you must be confused
fingers are up, thumbs are down
pages are yellow
∎
Wed Dec 16 12:56:14 2015
> Zum Glück ist nur
> das Verhältnis wichtig
> in meinem Literglas
drinking a litre
you'll catch the express bus to
the end of the road
and then spend the night
driving the porcelain bus
that's if you survive
∎
Sat Dec 26 14:48:22 2015
> The ssd and the iv,
> When they are both full up,
> Of all the snapshots in the wood,
> The ssd bears the load.
> The rising of the usage
> And the running of the backup,
> The completion of the manifest,
> Sweet cleaning in the files
oh holy shite
the pagers are unquietly whining
it is the night of the resource dearth
long lay the cell in CBF and error pining
till jaq acknowledged and took loans for all the worth
a thrill of hope, the weary oncaller rejoices
then yonder breaks a new and glorious thing
fall on your knees
oh hear the devil voices
"bodea the page..."
∎
Sat Dec 26 15:12:08 2015
can we all agree
that borgmon rules, monarch drools
prober laid an egg
organic free range
robotics milled a sundial
next job: pick and place
∎
Thu Jan 7 12:41:24 2016
yellow and green from
Tarragona and Voiron
arrived yesterday
one pretty penny
six decades of refinement
mind blown and reblown
∎
Mon Jan 11 12:56:59 2016
trial by fire
if I venture outside and
you know I'm no saint
fire and water
I prefer these elements
when they are combined
∎
Mon Jan 11 14:33:57 2016
> giant nuclear
> fusion ball, pictured smiling
> a yellow charred ruse
call me yellow, but
tarry and you're a goner
ashes to ashes
∎
Wed Jan 13 15:39:27 2016
> musji added note:
> you'll never automate, they guffawed
> but to junyer, the toil gnawed
> so the obstacles, he chainsawed
> and the code, not even scrimshawed
> this much efficiency, should be outlawed
but this makes me sad
g/efficiency-league
"apply to join group"
∎
Tue Jan 19 13:24:11 2016
> wut wut wut wut wut
> wut wut wut wut wut wut wut
> wut wut wut wut wut
there is no amount
of absinthe that will make me
give you the cliff's notes
there is an amount
of absinthe that will make me
make you wish for them
∎
Mon Feb 8 13:07:09 2016
Project Pineapple
is why I went to sleep at
4:30am
more specifically
staring intently at the
DFA state cache
∎
Tue Feb 9 12:49:27 2016
got carried away
porting Backtrack and BitState
dire lack of sleep
but early numbers
show BitState is faster now
like four times faster
∎
Thu Feb 25 15:17:50 2016
42 degrees
was the forecast for today
the meaning of death
indeed, hell awaits
and daemons watch via the
progress API
∎
Tue Mar 8 12:58:16 2016
> That is so not true
> Pineapples and mountain goats
> Arrived there last month
freaky tiki ti
might use a caprine craft beer
to make daiquirales
∎
Fri Mar 11 17:19:58 2016
> cryptic images
> of our triptych leadership
> send air support now
he got halfway through
an air traffic barrel roll
before passing out
∎
Fri Mar 11 17:23:05 2016
> ATC theme fits;
> I picked a hell of a day
> To quit sniffing glue.
I think you've started
yelling to send yourself horse
bloody managers
∎
Fri Mar 11 17:35:07 2016
> foam, not gelatin
> spray bright from consultan-sea
> the thread has gone coarse
no, I'm not jelly
unless they sail to Shanghai
junket on a junk
∎
Fri Mar 11 17:41:55 2016
> mbrody may dig
> in Search (or through to China)
> ballast stays afloat
"LSTM" is
nowhere near as nautical
a name as "Jetsam"
∎
Mon Mar 14 14:05:18 2016
over two nights, we
witnessed the firepower
of the Chartreuse shelf
but have yet to taste
El Dorado 25
at the Cuban Place
and then Archie Rose
have their first birthday party
on Saint Patrick's Day
∎
Mon Mar 21 12:57:25 2016
> something about a
> nautical theme. yarr! why not
> consult with musji
gloaty mcgloatface
de jack of all de sailboats
de master of one
∎
Tue Mar 29 12:15:03 2016
the crowd goes silent
a robot is going to
sing the loom song now
as it bobs and weaves
the crowd is going wild for
pines, apples and pears
meanwhile, the pope pens
an ode to his abode in
the abstract jungle
∎
Wed Mar 30 13:44:38 2016
> sitting at your desk
> accompanied by Chartreuse
> yak and I converse
I see you have found
my fortress of lolitude
don't lean back too far
∎
Thu Apr 14 12:24:08 2016
> representation
> using some dedekind cuts
> would be cheap and fast
taxation will be
cheap and fast when Mister Trump
goes to Washington
∎
Thu Apr 14 12:34:53 2016
> flat tax, or flat bed?
> either one disturbs the sleep
> as he disturbs peace
a humble bundle
of government services
sold at no set price
∎
Thu Apr 14 20:28:02 2016
With apologies to Elisabeth Whitman...
No, Captain! My Captain!
Faux Captain! Fie, Captain!
Pho, Captain? Pie, Captain?
Woe, Captain. Sigh, Captain.
Go, Captain. Bye, Captain.
∎
Mon Apr 18 11:40:45 2016
went to dinner and
I accidentally the
Carthusian knighthood
and then tonght is
the PS40 soft launch
(ping me, Sydney folks)
∎
Tue May 3 15:23:36 2016
> so anamnetic
> the elephant in the room
> crypto-deletion
I am twelve, he said
and what is sonic about
vodka and orange
∎
Thu May 5 13:45:43 2016
meeting jerrywang
in a bar in Sydney was
serendipity
"what was your ldap"
is a shibboleth that still
makes oldtimers twitch
∎
Tue May 10 15:11:02 2016
> A haiku about this thread.
> No no no no no,
> No no no no no no no,
> No no no no no.
libera te ex
the American nightmare
transfer to Sydney
∎
Thu May 12 17:47:41 2016
> 3am blackout
> causes UPS to beep
> A sleep outage, too
does that mean that you
were sleepless in Seattle
(sorry not sorry)
∎
Thu May 12 23:13:48 2016
> 3am blackout
> causes UPS to beep
> A sleep outage, too
so long and thanks for
all the outages, she said
memento nori
∎
Tue May 17 13:58:46 2016
I was a judge for
a cocktail competition
on World Chartreuse Day
the night ended with
impromptu supper club and
sibling rivalry
Sponsored Haiku
Golden Century
obscenely good food even
at an obscene time
∎
Wed May 18 21:20:56 2016
I vowed never to
use the haiku-slam corpus
for machine learning
because I want Brain
to put me out of a job
not out of a job
∎
Mon May 23 12:04:31 2016
cleaning everything
that I neglected to clean
over the weekend
or else I will drown
in a mixture of cat fur
and styrofoam scraps
∎
Tue May 24 13:57:18 2016
couldn't sleep because
someone said post-increment
is more expensive
watched the sun rising
and found myself wishing to
be a vampire
bursting into flames
like a modern compiler
faced with i++
∎
Fri May 27 11:14:00 2016
> who burnt your bacon?
> that's not 'murrica's confit
> confidentially
SFO breakfasts
were very disappointing
a few years ago
∎
Sun May 29 19:28:10 2016
> speaking of numbats
> they would thrive in Sunnyvale
> the sawdust is deep
is the real problem
the dead wood, not the white ants
asking for a friend
is there too much dung
or too many dung beetles
asking for a fiend
∎
Tue May 31 12:22:29 2016
> no playbook entry
> user harm neglibible
> awake for nothing
no playbook at all
no OKRs, no roadmap
alive for nothing
∎
Tue May 31 12:38:16 2016
under skies of grey
'twas in the last days of May
we sat sipping Wray
drink the pain away
before it eats you away
was all he would say
∎
Wed Jun 1 15:01:00 2016
> more fortissimo
> behind fewer foot digits,
> 24601
those less miserly
with their time are more able
to accrue sleep debt
∎
Wed Jun 1 15:03:06 2016
> can you hear the profile sing
> singing the songs of unknown spend
> it is the music of the function that will not be traced again
surrender your cheese
unto these starving monkeys
that they may eat it
for they have no bread
and being such poor bakers
have no cake either
∎
Wed Jun 1 15:13:32 2016
you've mistaken me
for someone with an interest
in trace collection
if you look closer
you'll surely see that I'm no
dapper gentleman
∎
Wed Jun 1 17:00:10 2016
> dapper? maybe not.
> but no-one alive can beat
> junyer's sampling rate
getting blind is bad
but worse is getting deaf off
a NyQuil Shandy
∎
Wed Jun 1 17:06:21 2016
> No more a number,
> junyer is a now a free() man:
> our own Jean Valgrind
I will take a break
from the regular program
after this segment
∎
Tue Jun 14 13:56:52 2016
to save yourself from
the devil in the details
just don't give any
fill your greendoc with
images of bunnies and
pancakes and teapots
∎
Tue Jun 21 14:05:13 2016
till all is reduced
through madness and destruction
to dust and ashes
till all that remains
are ghostly echoes through space
of dots and dashes
∎
Thu Jun 23 12:36:32 2016
the knight is darkest
and very likely drunkest
just before the dawn
so burn the sky bright
he's decided that flames will
reach heaven tonight
∎
Fri Jul 1 12:46:07 2016
> affluent answers
> "read books, acquire wisdom"
> "I asked Jeeves, of course"
I'm writing the book
on RE2 so that I
can throw it at you
∎
Thu Jul 14 12:39:09 2016
> Ahoy there junyer,
> This is my final handover!
> May the queries flow.
if you are leaving
to seize the fish of the day
don't forget to scale
especially when
courting success disaster
hashtag poke mongo
∎
Thu Jul 14 12:49:41 2016
> SRE haiku:
> 8 syllables in middle line
> N+1 4 LYF
eagles may soar, but
weasels don't get sucked into
N-1 clouds
∎
Tue Jul 26 14:37:08 2016
> i guess somebody
> felt extra crabby today
> you know I. Haight Lisp?
you know, Doctor Claw
my arak need has become
a nice addiction
∎
Mon Aug 8 14:07:31 2016
new rule: demands for
more "upbeat" music will get
the Cat Empire
because the fans of
the Canadian mallard
are more obnoxious
∎
Tue Aug 9 14:01:18 2016
code review blamed for
flurry of self-inflicted
facial puncture wounds
Sponsored Haiku
so then the hero
strong and brave, a fitting end
to the planet gave
∎
Tue Aug 9 23:49:03 2016
arise and go now
but lest you be pilloried
look not behind thee
unlike clang-tidy
cleansing fire is cleansing
and also fire
∎
Thu Aug 11 16:32:57 2016
> someone say hammer?
> because i can see a case
> for letting this pass
they're Americans
you'll have to pry the nail gun
from their cold, dead hands
∎
Thu Aug 18 14:11:13 2016
this is serious
I might be an SRE
he told his mother
we have to take paints
to ensure that this bikeshed
is pained correctly
∎
Thu Aug 18 14:30:53 2016
> Taking paints? A job
> for those silvertongued devils
> of Chrome-ing Infra
if you see something
spray something, but never get
your nose out of joint
∎
Thu Aug 18 14:37:26 2016
> Paint in infra-red?
> Novel shade for throwing shade
> Jeebus, take the wheel
tone policing means
that those who witness thoughtcrime
must make hue and cry
∎
Thu Aug 18 14:46:46 2016
> The mediocre
> drove in cars, not bikes, thusly
> shouted "witness me!"
hail, erythrocyte
Sydney offers tribute of
salt, sand and male sheep
∎
Thu Aug 18 15:00:40 2016
> rolling ribbons write
> and use hues hewn of ewes' 'dos
> invisible ink
no, Mavis Beacon
I care not for wigs or gum
but figs are my jam
∎
Thu Aug 18 15:39:30 2016
> Motown from Chi-town
> Staple Singers really jam
> Like: "That was easy"
I am the walrus
the time has come to discuss
the shape of this wheel
∎
Thu Aug 25 14:09:11 2016
the sleep debt has been
only partially repaid
why do I do this
also, dogs ought to
post shit on the internet
not in the office
∎
Thu Aug 25 16:59:58 2016
> the form and content
> should be thoughtfully treated
> as distinct aspects
yes, and services
should be not on fire, but
reality sucks
∎
Mon Aug 29 14:07:46 2016
> "I'm pregnant! We're through!"
> But Minos begged his wife:
> "Don't have a cow-man"
"this is bullshit, so
I must be getting close now"
said Sarah Williams
∎
Wed Aug 31 00:22:29 2016
> Four Rooms. George Clooney
> Harvey Keitel. 404
> good movie not found.
the kind of movie
that should someday be reshot
with a Lee–Enfield
∎
Thu Sep 8 14:00:41 2016
the breeze brings a smile
maybe everything will be
okay in the end
(yes, it's a cool breeze
or else I would joke about
the oncoming train)
∎
Thu Sep 15 15:22:19 2016
> where has the rum gone?
> drops infinitesimal
> archived, but not lost
she is fond of rum
and I, though dead inside, am
growing fond of her
∎
Thu Sep 15 15:49:11 2016
> Mopey McMopeFace
> how does thy ennui grow!
> gioia infonde
singing the gloom song
so that everyone will know
what the 'G' stands for
∎
Thu Sep 15 16:03:10 2016
> a Flickr of doubt
> "global" or "Google"? Yahoos.
> mind the E/F gap
we adopted the
approach of messing passage
between two subjects
∎
Thu Sep 15 16:39:11 2016
> distance? anodyne?
> try a duet du sorbet
> nothing in carmine
what the pig meant is
that our insects don't scale, so
he files bugs for us
∎
Mon Sep 19 11:18:54 2016
big government said
that I needed to install
window safety locks
now I wonder if
similar laws exist for
strata in Darwin
∎
Mon Sep 19 14:19:29 2016
one conference, then
one of the afterparties
concluding Bar Week
one sad farewell, then
one michelada begins
another chapter
∎
Wed Sep 21 14:18:40 2016
still woozy due to
the weaponised cinnamon
deployed this morning
it couldn't be helped
truly, those pineapples were
coming right for us
∎
Thu Sep 22 13:47:10 2016
operating while
under the influenza
an unpleasant change
thankfully, I feel
only mildly afflicted
(but this will jinx it)
∎
Mon Sep 26 14:06:26 2016
they are fixing the
broken intercom system
(mere years overdue)
so now visitors
should expect to be thwarted
by being ignored
∎
Tue Sep 27 14:06:17 2016
so it turned out that
3am was my bedtime
not just Mike Baird time
keep Critique open
my worst idea ever for
a grassroots movement
∎
Mon Oct 3 00:32:58 2016
mental health reasons
is all I'm going to say
not even joking
I'll have my laptop
for secondary oncall
if I leave the house
∎
Thu Oct 6 14:33:25 2016
I have now reached the
physical exhaustion phase
of having the flu
bonus points for the
involuntary napping
some more of that please
∎
Thu Oct 13 14:21:46 2016
be the spare change that
you wish to see in the world
he slurred between drinks
let's talk about your
mass to value ratio
the elephant blinked
∎
Mon Oct 17 13:09:28 2016
let's not spend our time
scrutinising minutiae
of the secondment
even in Erlang
those map reduce functions won't
distribute themselves
∎
Wed Oct 19 01:02:47 2016
> I am looking for a golang developer, meanwhile I found you on github in Golang developer list.
yes, it lists myself
and other luminaries
like Ken, Rob and Russ
> My project is about Movie database and it was made in codeigniter. But now i want to go with golang.
the code must ignite
so the web solutions can
rise from the ashes
> My budget is $15 per hour. If you are confortable with my offer, add me on skype jaimin26783 or just reply to my email.
hopefully, one of
the other thousand people
you spammed will accept
∎
Mon Oct 24 13:13:12 2016
fear and loathing and
jumping from the third storey
would not be fatal
this is what I get
for not reading enough mail
on my two days off
∎
Tue Oct 25 02:29:36 2016
> if you are in the market to
> target Cloud Computing Users, then we are happy to inform you of our
> recent Cloud Computing users email list release with all business details for
> businesses of all size, across a variety of industries.
but who is "we" here
maybe you would care to share
your business details
> Information Fields – Name, Title, Email, Phone
> Numbers, Company Name, and Company Details like, Physical Address, Web Address,
> Revenue Size, Employee Size and industry.
truly compelling
I could not do that with a
very small shell script
> We also have other
> technology users like: Amazon Web Services, 3tera, Cloudera, Intacct and many more.
do you have lists for
those companies that sell to
the spy agencies
> Please review and let me
> know if you are interested in the above or if you prefer any other technology
> list.
you should try using
TensorFlow machine learning
I can sell you some
> If you are not the right
> person, feel free to forward this email to the right person in your
> organization.
Larry or Sergey
but I'm kind of a big deal
so how about both
∎
Tue Oct 25 14:03:24 2016
one lonely ronin
one Django application
slinging gun and chain
SRE spotting
heroine and valkyrie
chooser of the slain
∎
Tue Oct 25 14:46:58 2016
> We provide B2B contacts across the globe of all types of
> technologies and products.
I must ask again
who is this "we" providing
B2B to me
> It would be great if you could specify the industry and target
> geography you are looking for?
precooked meat products
such as pork shoulder and ham
preferably canned
> Let me know your thoughts, I’ll get back to you with the more
> information.
I think I'm hungry
but 3pm seems kind of
early for dinner
∎
Thu Oct 27 14:00:32 2016
a long time ago
in Kansas far, far away
(but not far enough)
replica sets failed
to bring order to Kansas
but now a new hope
One Table Per Child
please give generously to
this great charity
∎
Tue Nov 1 14:49:20 2016
I called the man who
slang the booze and I asked him
for some happy news
but he just sighed and
fought to say "the sacred store
is a store no more"
∎
Fri Nov 4 15:43:07 2016
> it's quine and quinine
> fever dreams, JAR manifests
> Tenerife dish
pitchforks and torches
as democracy lynched the
children of Stroustrup
∎
Fri Nov 4 15:50:45 2016
> Change-list summary
> Said "roast beef machinery"
> And we understood
tell me, Mr Jones
what good is Stubby if you've
no IO monad
∎
Sat Nov 5 14:50:12 2016
> oh, it's "hermetic"
> effect by solipsism
> MESI or a dream?
nearly 5am
I breeze past the trees on the
empty city street
nearly drunk at last
I gaze through the haze to the
corner of the block
nearly home again
I kiss the abyss in the
back seat of the car
nearly dead asleep
I see the debris of the
self and close my eyes
∎
Tue Nov 8 00:23:45 2016
2016 has
just delivered two shocking
existential threats
firstly, the widespread
obsession with promotion
that burdens our souls
secondly, rampant
lunching when travellers are
the minority
∎
Thu Nov 10 23:45:31 2016
> the anamnetic
> cannot forget that tenet
> "Love ain't pluperfect."
I voted to put
the hedj in hegemony
make SYD great again
∎
Fri Nov 11 16:53:46 2016
> such great high posting
> deserves a spot at the top...
> quark, charm or bottom
strangely, I don't like
that particular joke, but
it doesn't matter
∎
Fri Nov 11 18:51:43 2016
> My heart is so full
> Of gentle peaceful yearning
> For what might have been
>
> Can't be dejected
> River of life flowing on
> Awake from the dark
>
> Mad Max as teacher
> Make myself a five year plan
> Just need a new car
I can't remember
love, belonging or even
her name anymore
and I can't forget
the kinds of pain they use to
harvest endorphins
but I provided
diminishing returns to
feed their addictions
so I was unplugged
and sent up to the surface
to die in the sun
I can't remember
ever in my life feeling
so fucking relieved
and I can't forget
2016 was the last
US election
∎
Fri Nov 11 19:05:07 2016
> Documentary?
> Oceanic penitentiary?
> Let's assume away.
why do we fall, Don?
so those who survive can learn
to pick themselves up
∎
Fri Nov 11 19:14:51 2016
> My quark-themed reply
> was colourful, but my dog
> spilled some gluon it
I was waiting for
a muon to take charge and
put a spin on it
∎
Sun Nov 20 15:56:15 2016
who would you die for
why do people never ask
who would you live for
and pinky promise
to tear down all the walls that
your liver paid for
∎
Tue Nov 22 13:25:28 2016
the PR folks said
to put on a happy face
they didn't say whose
(it rubs the Monarch
on its skin or else it gets
the Borgmon again)
∎
Fri Nov 25 14:27:21 2016
I'm giving thanks for
datatype migrations and
bad sleeping patterns
it's a nice change to
be working till sunrise, not
drinking till sunrise
∎
Fri Nov 25 16:20:22 2016
Monday: Archie Rose
then burning pineapples for
Mitch Wilson's birthday
Tuesday: probably
recovering from all that
airborne cinnamon
Wednesday: showing
an old friend from Canberra
one too many bars
Thursday: Burrow Bar
making it rain green Chartreuse
for their first birthday
Friday: most likely
twitching in a corner or
perhaps a gutter
I will answer mail
whenever I remember
how to computer
what is the lifespan
of a social butterfly
asking for a friend
∎
Fri Nov 25 18:27:45 2016
> I'm green with envy
> to say nothing of your guests.
> Start burrowing now!
should I mention that
it's a double magnum from
2003
∎
Tue Nov 29 23:00:34 2016
> the fusion research
> is gathering momentum
> we have plasma now
congratulations
have you constructed any
mechanical arms
∎
Sun Dec 4 17:02:25 2016
> no arms but we may
> well have irradiated
> one or two spiders
with great power comes
great responsibility
or great corruption
∎
Mon Dec 5 11:30:36 2016
from inbox zero
to inbox aleph zero
in just a few days
a thread count like this
is a sheet situation
or a tapestry
lovingly crafted
at the mountains of madness
by Azathothkin
good thing I did the
readability reviews
over the weekend
∎
Fri Dec 9 17:44:42 2016
> Jan 7 - Mar 27: We'll be in Zurich. It'll be winter, it'll be cold. But there will be virtually no overlap with -- like anyone.
> Apr 7 - Jun 30: We'll be in Sydney. Obviously not as remote to ya'll as ZRH. And certainly not as cold. Maybe even squatting next to you.*
around the world in
one hundred and eighty days
plus or minus some
> * Will also be interested in anything anyone has to share about things in Glebe, as that's where we've rented a house.
hanging out with Jim
will lead to crazy thoughts like
"I should buy a boat"
∎
Thu Dec 22 18:27:22 2016
if you need help with
Chartreuse, rum or RE2
feel free to page me
or just ask yourself
(if you have health insurance)
what would junyer do
∎
Fri Dec 30 17:00:57 2016
> Is this the real life?
> Is this just fantasy?
> Caught with no pages,
> No escape from the ticket queue.
> Open your eyes,
> Look at my handoff and see,
> I'm just an oncall, I need no sympathy,
> Because I'm easy come, easy go,
> Little high, little low,
> Any way the page load doesn't really matter to me, to me.
gun against its head
/quitquitquit, now it's dead
file cleaning resumes
∎
Wed Jan 4 19:23:42 2017
dear secret santa
thank you very much for this
unexpected gift
one hundred classics
which is nearly one hundred
more than I have read
∎
Thu Jan 5 13:10:40 2017
hash_map of bool to
hash_map of bool to T is
your ticket to ride
the W train
to the T train to the A
train to the F train
∎
Thu Jan 5 16:55:02 2017
> make sure to use a
> hash function with collisions
> between true and false
the same hash function
that Republicans used to
get Trump elected
∎
Thu Jan 5 16:55:12 2017
> zero-cost abstraction
> was simply too cheap for them
> hence, let them eat hash
I think you will find
that they ate it just before
writing the changelist
∎
Thu Jan 5 16:55:31 2017
> instructions unclear:
> so I encrypted the salts
> and hashed the cookies
this is just to say
I have eaten the cookies
that were in the jar
th͟i͢s is ̷j͟ưs̶t t̸o̵ ̢say
̨I͞'v̷e als̛o ̡eat̨èn the s͟a̛lts
̡t͜h̷at͢ w͏e͜r̷e͡ ͏iń the bath
t̢͜h̢i̧ś͡ ̴i̶̶̡s͝ ͡j̵̢u̵̕st ̨̡͘t̨ò ͏s̷ą҉̷y̴̡͡
y͘͏o̢͝u̕r̷ ̡͢͜fà̴̕c̴͢e̢͠s̸͝ w͜e̴r͟͞e ̛͡d̛̕è̕l͡į͘c̶͟iou̵̸̧s̵̀͡
̵̷͟s͢ǫ͝ ş͘we͝e̶̢t̸ a͏ń͡d̛ ̵so̸ ͝c̕͘ol̸d̴
∎
Wed Jan 11 16:10:26 2017
four empty bottles
souvenirs of good times past
with great bartenders
but now it seems that
SRE has developed
an image problem
so I have been asked
to hide away out of sight
four empty bottles
∎
Wed Jan 25 17:17:18 2017
> To Haiku like him
> You must learn to drink like him
> In Vino Vera
the rapids of wrath
a book about white wine and
my great depression
∎
Wed Jan 25 17:17:53 2017
> Ah but you see
> Vera in vinum vivit
> But not much in Chartreuse
well, how about rum
at last count, I own over
one hundred litres
∎
Wed Jan 25 18:38:51 2017
> rhumb lines run long but
> junyer's rum line-up runs deep
> get a plumb-line out
like America
it's a race to the bottom
but more delicious
∎
Thu Jan 26 17:46:34 2017
first stop: Archie Rose
then Blind Bear, then Burrow Bar
and that's just Friday
long weekend is long
like the band the Cardinals
it's also unsigned
∎
Mon Jan 30 18:49:40 2017
> I've had a cold all weekend and it's not getting any better. My wife now refers to Google as "adult daycare where adults trade sickness instead of babies". Staying home to not spread it.
as your attorney
I advise you to short-sell
both commodities
∎
Tue Jan 31 14:22:07 2017
> nothing so lonesome
> as to stare at the queue of
> a Pub with no Sub
my morbidity
is due to a bar having
no Wray and Nephew
∎
Tue Jan 31 14:30:20 2017
> hey the remedy
> pretty sure that i haz it
> duty free and all
thank you, but I meant
that this particular bar
has none anymore
∎
Tue Jan 31 14:36:43 2017
> seven fifty left:
> customs-friendly allocation
> and store stock willing
down to four twenty
as the kids say nowadays
suddenly hungry
∎
Thu Feb 2 13:20:52 2017
February, but
the Trumpian calendar
says it's AD 1
each month, marvel at
a new facial expression
from our dear leader
∎
Thu Feb 2 14:13:24 2017
> those tiny fingers
> mean we're gonna need a much
> tinier button
the big red button
has just been replaced by a
Lenovo TrackPoint
he cannot find it
because he has never looked
and has never cared
∎
Thu Feb 2 14:23:03 2017
> button, from boton
> such crazy French influence
> angers Chief Angry
haven't you noticed
the crazy frogs of war are
more German than French
∎
Wed Feb 8 13:29:28 2017
there are tall ships and
there are small ships and there are
ships that sail the sea
but the best ships are
submarines and other ships
are merely targets
∎
Wed Feb 8 14:15:37 2017
> master ship hunter
> shellshocked from far too many
> dives and depth charges
do you use Klaxon
how else will you realise
that you're going down
∎
Fri Feb 10 16:37:35 2017
> Cheers for the haikus,
> Occasional code reviews
> And the redgrep talk
congratulations
on a successful project
come back anytime
∎
Thu Mar 2 14:59:19 2017
> silver bullet points
> kill vampires, werewolves and the
> mythical man-moth
Stephenie Meyer
deserves a point as hollow
as any she made
∎
Thu Mar 2 15:04:43 2017
> instead of bullets,
> a T7-9 lamp
> to get the Mothman
a man of the cloth
(mostly hemp fabrics) will join
Network SRE
∎
Mon Mar 6 00:44:36 2017
I, Scanner Darko
pick little blue flowers and
wait for jet engines
the mirror darkly
professes that it hates me
and wishes me dead
a typing duckly
strangling port 70
while I envy both
∎
Wed Mar 8 15:47:21 2017
> I wonder, can I
> have emoji in haikus?
> ❌📃
that is a rebus
I am NOT an old man who
yells at emoji
∎
Wed Mar 15 11:48:48 2017
> your haiku needs work:
> a quick syllable count shows
> each line's off by one.
this is why I say
that hiring me was a
beautiful mistake
there are two hard things
in computer science and
haiku is all of
∎
Wed Mar 15 16:35:41 2017
> such fencepost errors
> are really beyond the pale
> I rail against them
with so much at stake
one must either be picky
or be picketed
∎
Wed Mar 15 16:42:32 2017
> did not want to try
> this hard, perf-ably this will
> meet expectations.
as we expected
you have lots of expertise
in fixing Makefiles
∎
Wed Mar 15 17:02:24 2017
> Skeleton stop-work:
> Page dropped in the midnight hour
> as Wilson pickets
run away from love?
Larry's leisurely lawsuit
will see you in court
∎
Thu Mar 16 15:28:40 2017
> Once Antesocial
> Dropping a single service
> Photos SRE
that seems fair enough
most people want cat photos
not so much cat blogs
∎
Tue Mar 21 12:52:41 2017
went to Baxter Inn
for one piña colada
and one green Chartreuse
but was led astray
by the imminent prospect
of counting past one
as the prophet said
life is like a cask of rum
I will finish mine
∎
Tue Mar 21 13:07:21 2017
> what that boy needs is
> a bit less of the cane, but
> much more of the lash
traditionally
I prefer lashings of rum
and so do my friends
∎
Thu Mar 23 08:08:50 2017
> a bottomless pit
> would offer much room to boil
> tasty shrimp dumplings
not enough room for
more than a small fraction of
your food snobbery
∎
Thu Mar 23 08:49:55 2017
> There once was a man from Chicago
> Who enjoyed his "crusty cheese casserole"
> Though it wasn't quite pizza
> He still loved to eat it
> But left plenty of room to draw the line at Domino's
thus spake leo the first
your automation is cursed
(at best, pony poo)
so i'm leaving you
for a team that isn't the worst
∎
Tue Apr 4 13:47:46 2017
I may have been wrong
when I said that I can't feel
anything at all
gather rosebuds or
reap statements of work, but don't
high-five a cactus
∎
Fri Apr 7 00:29:32 2017
almost anything
could distract him from wishing
not to be alone
but almost nothing
could distract him from wishing
not to be alive
∎
Sun Apr 16 01:59:26 2017
everything is shit
especially people and
especially me
but maybe perhaps
a bit less shit today is
something I can be
∎
Tue Apr 18 12:37:50 2017
I can't remember
much about computering
or most of last night
but I'm pretty sure
I was sitting quietly
when suddenly rum
∎
Thu Apr 20 14:26:18 2017
thank you so much for
this timely reminder that
I will die alone
but "unfortunate"
is the opposite of my
feelings about it
also, what's up with
the fake deadline if I can
enrol whenever
lastly, nice domain
I can't believe it's not phish
have you learned nothing
∎
Fri Apr 21 00:40:41 2017
> 'nother envelope
> from trey anastasio
> ticket deadlines too
people who block my
altruistic cleanups should
effingo away
∎
Sat Apr 22 21:12:11 2017
in all likelihood
my WFH haiku would
have said something like
woke up on the couch
threw up on the dog, then thought
"I don't have a dog..."
∎
Mon May 1 13:44:05 2017
sleep debt collected
but I'm still not ready for
my code review queue
thanks, crbot, for
waiting until Friday night
to put the boot in
∎
Thu May 18 14:23:29 2017
I was still working
when the first light touched the sky
what even is sleep
I only wish that
the success had been total
but 'twas not to be
∎
Mon May 22 13:45:29 2017
I'm mostly doing
home chores that didn't get done
over the weekend
and then I'll start on
work chores (i.e. code reviews)
that went undone too
∎
Tue May 23 14:12:57 2017
I took the day off
but I foolishly forgot
to take the night off
and so once again
I'm behind on code reviews
(since 7am)
∎
Thu May 25 13:55:59 2017
what was life before
readability reviews
I can't remember
it's like I haven't
done anything else this week
(because I haven't)
someone make it stop
dear god, if you are out there
please just make it stop
∎
Tue Jun 13 14:57:20 2017
In the same vein as Google Food Haiku #12:
no skirts, no dresses
no onesies, no overalls
underpants under
∎
Wed Jun 14 14:24:53 2017
> Five carrots or six?
> Not a good use of your time.
> Keep it moving champ!
pineapple pizza?
not a good use of your time.
burn the heretics!
∎
Wed Jun 14 22:10:05 2017
the bar that I own
in Cronulla is launching
a second level
I only wish that
my Plantation single cask
had arrived from France
∎
Wed Jun 14 23:17:13 2017
> Had you received it
> would you take it to the next
> level? "Roll out the barrel..."
it's all in bottles
one hundred and forty-odd
or so I've been told
∎
Mon Jun 19 14:23:46 2017
eleven reviews
lurking in my inbox since
late Friday evening
heroics are nice
till they are routine and thus
unsustainable
∎
Wed Jun 21 15:35:45 2017
> Passive-aggressive
> haiku. All over the place.
> Here at Initech.
the squirrels who took
my red Swingline stapler don't
look so merry now
∎
Wed Jun 21 15:39:51 2017
> A haiku is not
> about arbitrary line
> breaks in sentences
whatever you say
I've got your kigo right here
cherry blossom nus
∎
Wed Jun 21 16:01:30 2017
> Art is in the eye
> Restricting it is just like
> Getting Schwifty
for Republicans
beauty is in the eye, but
truth is in the pants
∎
Thu Jun 22 01:03:51 2017
> You're picking out fries
> Not a damn engagement ring
> Go on, take a risk
the presentation
of your lunch plate matters less
than you think it does
spend this much time on
your presentations (plural)
and you will go far
∎
Thu Jun 22 01:47:14 2017
> Ugh, open floor plans!
> At least give us cubicles...
> Initech cares more.
I will say again
open-plan offices need
open-plan toilets
∎
Thu Jun 22 13:59:01 2017
> One of the gods said,
> I quote Leviticus 11,
> "Do not eat the bacon"
pigs are wonderful
magical animals that
can help you win friends
∎
Thu Jun 22 14:00:10 2017
> Another god said,
> In Quran six one four five,
> "Do not eat the bacon"
the Vegan god spake
thou shalt not kill animals
thou mayest kill joy
∎
Thu Jun 22 14:01:07 2017
> The god FSM,
> "The Olive Garden of Eden",
> created animals for eating
eh la madonna
that is neither a haiku
nor a clerihew
∎
Fri Jun 23 11:35:41 2017
> eat or be eaten
> maybe you'd not eat a pig
> but one would eat you
American cops
highly trained professionals
who "panic" and shoot
∎
Fri Jun 23 11:37:24 2017
> Just this past Friday,
> I got to meet four cute pigs.
> None of them ate me.
the moderate cops
must condemn their extremists
that's how it works, right
∎
Fri Jun 23 12:52:47 2017
> I really did mean
> Sus scrofa domesticus
> When I wrote of pigs.
understood, but in
some parallel universe
you really meant cops
and, most likely, in
yet another universe
the pigs did eat you
∎
Fri Jun 23 12:54:09 2017
> The new moon rises
> over the red slaughterhouse
> shining on no joy
the snowfall tonight
will cover the fresh graves where
they buried the joy
∎
Sat Jun 24 13:16:14 2017
> some people need meat
> but come on. try some tofu.
> there are other joys
I quite like tofu
my only distaste is for
Vegan religion
food proscriptions? ☑️
gross proselytism? ☑️
rabid zealots? ☑️
I could give up meat
but I'm afraid that I would
become one of them
∎
Tue Jul 4 11:45:41 2017
in the shallow depths
of Australian winter
searing agony
and newfound belief
in the euphemism of
at-will existence
∎
Wed Jul 5 15:13:13 2017
> Storage's bad week
> drove the sober to drink, and
> junyer to Chroming.
laugh it up, bovine
there are worse things than chroming
ask me how I know
∎
Wed Jul 5 16:28:54 2017
> only here one week,
> not enough to realise.
> liver gently weeps
could it be worse than
moving to Cloud AKA
living the nightmare
∎
Wed Jul 5 16:33:45 2017
> Deep in bat country:
> skin's itching, teeth are clenching,
> and Mind is Melding
when packets get stuck
in the ether, I get stuck
into the ether
∎
Tue Aug 22 19:43:50 2017
> diversity's curse:
> the longer that you work here,
> di-verse it will get
>
> curse misogynists:
> the longer that you work here,
> da-more they'll shit you
I would rather not
apologise again to
Maynard James Keenan
∎
Wed Aug 23 09:21:08 2017
> Maynard would not care
> But he would probably laugh
> In Damore's dumb face
who could have guessed that
Damore was craving fame and
all its decadence
∎
Wed Aug 23 09:45:07 2017
> I’m reaching out as you are one of the top Go contributors on Github.
Ken, Rob, Russ and I
are the four pillars of the
Go community
> While we’re in pre-release I wanted to make you aware of our new product at Caffeine, where we are completely reimagining live streaming and true real-time video.
> We are using Go to tackle some of the most exciting engineering challenges when it comes to live social streaming.
a stream of caffeine
allows you to see through time
ask me how I know
> Would you be open to discuss these engineering challenges?
just to clarify
do you mean "open" as in
this bottle of rum
> Just reply back to me here! We’d love to have you on our team.
I learned the hard way
never to use the word "love"
before the first date
∎
Fri Sep 1 19:44:19 2017
> I would enjoy getting to know you, Rob, Ken and Russ. As the four pillars of the Go community I believe you would be great
> ambassadors for Caffeine.
I shun the spotlight
like I shun nonbelievers
no ambassading
> I'm dying to know how a stream of caffeine allows you to see through time, do tell.
it was probably
less the caffeine and more the
sleep deprivation
> We have a lot in common, Rum is my favorite. In fact, Dark and Stormy's are my Go to drink, more dark than stormy, please.
does the office have
an authentic tiki bar
and a rum ration
> That's sound advice, I wear my heart on my sleeve and jump in head first with everything I do. This has definitely caused some bumps and bruises along the way.
I was once taught that
my bones may break sticks and stones
but most likely not
∎
Mon Sep 4 13:51:37 2017
this weird dream about
a "snek boop" algorithm
ended suddenly
when I realised
that it had somehow derailed
into RE2
∎
Tue Sep 26 11:46:40 2017
azure skies ahead
with Windows VMs on a
transition metal
despite the clear lack
of quality azure ants
(I blame my numbat)
I cry, they reply
as crystal clear as the sky
just do azure told
∎
Thu Sep 28 15:50:29 2017
> chmod targetfile
> dash dash reference equals trout;
> be still, my beef heart
the yeomen warders
have worked up the appetite
to eat your beef heart
∎
Tue Oct 10 14:45:02 2017
> sisyphean tasks
> should be aborted early
> sweet delirium
sleeping is good and
infinitely better than
pushing shit uphill
∎
Mon Oct 30 15:44:55 2017
> — from Paul's Epistle
> to the Epithelials
> (BCC: eng-misc)
more magic moments
as I receive search results
about car seat gnomes
∎
Tue Oct 31 01:11:45 2017
> gnomes, mages, and cats
> move earth, myrrh, and "this thing too"
> but never junyer
bowel movements should
be regular expressions
but not vice versa
∎
Sun Nov 5 18:57:36 2017
what would junyer do
after two weekends oncall
(and one week of pain)
hide underground or
retreat to a citadel
por qué no los dos
∎
Mon Nov 20 00:42:59 2017
so quiet, so still
all alone and so peaceful
until the spiders
hideous demise
neither in peace nor alone
demonic hissing
swaddled to stillness
chelae and chelicerae
pray for quietus
∎
Thu Nov 30 11:21:24 2017
walking is painful
sleep debt becomes deficit
the show must go on
Lost Luau opens
tomorrow afternoon at
28 York Street
∎
Tue Dec 12 15:37:28 2017
> junyer's soft spot: where
> chairs are squishy, sand's fluffy
> and the bar's tender
tropic like it's hot
I'm pining for the apples
less so for the fjords
∎
Tue Dec 12 16:23:30 2017
> thirteen weeks away!
> what adventures you will have
> we'll miss your poems ;-)
should I keep posting?
no, I'm simply saying that
life uhh finds a way
∎
Wed Dec 13 16:33:16 2017
> "Unix! I know this"
> But he wanted pineapples
> With no WiFi kit
people are going
bananas for ananas
frond à la berserk
∎
Wed Dec 13 16:39:00 2017
> Pineapples... cans... wires
> Why is it not called
> Slotted Aloha!
I only know slots
as in fiber schedulers
(and not very well)
∎
Sun Dec 17 23:05:57 2017
> I have handed out
> the rums
> that were in
> the icebox
> and which
> you were probably
> planning
> to drink while the rest of the world would normally be having breakfast
> Forgive me
> because that means
> I accidentally
> tasted the presents
the icebox is for
green Chartreuse VEP and
Tanqueray Rangpur
∎
Wed Dec 20 01:25:25 2017
> forty-six years old
> rather oddball single blend
> I too shall donate
this year's Christmas wish
is more good booze preannounced
by more good haiku
∎
Fri Dec 29 15:23:48 2017
you wandered too long
through benighted libraries
now you fear daylight
you misplaced your soul
hoping some rotting codex
would ever gaze back
amazed by the maze
you made a nest in the trap
everything will burn
∎
Thu Apr 5 14:47:11 2018
> Carl Sagan agrees
> the only way out now
> is blazing through trees
with Forrest's gumption
you will be able to run
the 4:20 mile
∎
Thu Apr 5 15:12:00 2018
> the best launches come
> from half-baked-ideas-discuss@
> (new perf: drop the "half")
the secret got out
after too many meetings
in microkitchens
∎
Thu Apr 5 15:14:32 2018
> Houston we are go
> for launch. Stand by. Roger.
> Ignition. Lift-off!
5-6-5 again
a token effort or just
a tokin' effort
∎
Thu Apr 5 15:29:03 2018
>> do you have any context/state on SWIG in widevine?
>
> OH GOD WTF
> does that answer your question
> this was a haiku
that worked out nicely
unlike every use of SWIG
within Google3
∎
Mon Apr 9 22:11:22 2018
mount a defence of
the evening's pleasant tense with
dear Doctor Philip
the light may fade from
the skies, from my eyes; but not
the love from my heart
at fifty-seven
verb adjective street, weather
goes always with you
∎
Thu Apr 26 14:08:15 2018
I started the night
by polishing glassware for
ten and a half hours
here ends the chapter
for what pops up must pop down
but try lost and found
∎
Thu May 17 18:34:04 2018
> Persistent Boxing
> can lead to a Persistent
> Végétaltive State
most of PlayReady
is autoboxing as in
stop hitting yourself
logging to COM1
is autofecundating
as in [REDACTED]
∎
Wed May 23 20:40:25 2018
> the natural key
> to backgroud latency bugs
> is a major fifth
you, me an' Dante
passin' 'round a fifth of gin
(ran out of tonic)
∎
Wed May 23 20:44:39 2018
> Love your poetry
> You make it seem natural
> Never diminished
objection sustained
I disallow the question
from the tone police
∎
Wed May 23 20:57:00 2018
> I heard there was some maintenance sched
> in Windows that made WideVine dead
> but you don't know how to disable those operations
> it logged like this
> COM1 then disk
> then queries fall
> response time lifts
> the C# devs composing virtualisations
> Haikulujah, haikulujah
> Haikulujah, haikuluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuujah
play ready play deady
Microsoft DRM
but it's the Google code
that's the disgrace
I have been asked to be
nonconfrontational
stabs in the back only
not in the face
∎
Tue Jun 5 12:32:40 2018
what if Cloud Jackboot
gets onto the wrong foot and
stamps on the wrong face
maybe close your eyes
and think of Cinderella
quoth the TLM
and everyone dies
happily ever after
quoth the SVP
∎
Tue Jun 5 12:52:13 2018
> Nuke it from orbit
> It's the only way to be sure
> Suppress 7 D.A.
are we fixing *them*
with fire and the sword or
are we fixing *things*
#porquénolosdos
∎
Sun Jun 17 17:42:38 2018
our Tiberius who art in San Francisco
Superb be thy Perf
thy Sharded Prod come
thy will be enacted immediately
in Sydney as it is in San Francisco
give us this day our daily error budget
and forgive us our rollbacks
as we forgive those who roll back against us
and lead us not into Code Yellows
but deliver us from Maven
for thine is the Sharded Prod
and the power and the cooling
for (;;)
bi-la kaifa
∎
Thu Jun 28 16:36:05 2018
> Water-email din:
> Will have to make do with gin?
> Rather not come in.
work from Archie Rose
they probably have more gin
and, of course, Chartreuse
∎
Thu Jun 28 17:27:54 2018
> No water inside
> But check tomorrows forecast
> Two reasons to stay
are we just microbes
is Google just a raindrop
it's a long way down
∎
Fri Jul 13 20:06:42 2018
> L4 not there yet
> Spindle monster is hungry
> Seek over the disk
Spanner performance
means throwing down the gauntlet
but it's named "Simba"
∎
Tue Jul 17 11:47:00 2018
> A Honda Civic
> Causing minor chaos
> That is not civic
is your horse outside
in Metcalfe Park or in a
Debian stable
∎
Tue Jul 17 12:05:27 2018
> Can I just lift it?!
> Or can I not just Lyft it?
> I don't even Lyft.
an Ubermensch would
Lyft it into safe harbour
and GoGet a beer
∎
Tue Jul 17 14:23:43 2018
> captain barnacles
> couldn't stop github sinking
> deep underwater
the Octocat sucks
even David Thorne could draw
seven legs, not five
they need art lessons
down in Arizona Bay
(and swimming lessons)
∎
Thu Jul 19 15:26:43 2018
> an enlarged liver?
> don't let that slow down your pace.
> just liver little
I once tried to live
as little as possible
(sixteen years ago)
∎
Fri Jul 20 13:42:45 2018
> I once decided
> that if that time ever came:
> move to Mexico.
I'm trying slow death
indistinguishable from
capitalist life
∎
Thu Aug 9 17:22:41 2018
> we'll pick ourselves up
> and get back in the saddle
> of the grass mud horse
I just want to serve
panda to the river crabs
said someone sometime
∎
Tue Aug 21 14:52:17 2018
not to throw nightshade
but Peter Dutton is a
chip off the old block
his mother was a
YouTuber and his father
smelt of Erdäpfel
∎
Sat Aug 25 21:49:27 2018
completely forgot
to post on Thursday about
sleep deprivation
the situation
has not exactly improved
between then and now
∎
Wed Sep 19 15:25:22 2018
a time and a space
evoked in another time
and another space
you can close your eyes
but you can never go back
nor should you want to
found euphoria
in thirty millilitres
of divinity
∎
Thu Nov 15 15:45:07 2018
hello, cruel world
this is my one thousandth post
is that numberwang
4.5 years since
early may 2014
time flies like a brick
always remember
this too shall break, flake or fail
where is your god now
∎
Tue Nov 27 15:36:15 2018
I know I will find
no solace in solitude
just a brief respite
from silly season
to meditate in silence
so that I can hear
the void whisper-snarl
that the only solution
is dissolution
∎
Fri Dec 14 15:35:57 2018
to stand in the rain
and feel the pain wash away
and wonder what's left
and wonder what's right
is there any direction
that isn't just down
circle and spiral
inevitability
this is how it sounds
∎
Tue Feb 26 22:40:26 2019
> Procrastination
> Reshare your self assessment
> written in haiku?
who you gonna call
when others have neither time
nor inclination
∎
Thu Apr 11 14:59:49 2019
the darkness told me
that the product of our wits
is naught but whittling
that our shaving yaks
is just our shaving slivers
off the bottom line
∎
Tue Apr 30 13:34:14 2019
Humpty Dumpty sat
transfixed by the meteor
great and terrible
none of the horses
certainly none of the men
survived the air burst
"what happened to our
fancy omelette" asked Kodos
"quiet, you" said Kang
∎
Sat May 11 11:32:17 2019
he'll be in Cognac
celebrating three decades
of Maison Ferrand
if anything breaks
ask "what would junyer do" and
do the opposite
or do what he would
I'm a haiku, not a cop
just don't hurt yourself
∎
Thu Jul 11 15:25:51 2019
> we all agree that
> nope is now a strategy
> but what about perf
we all agree that
perf is now a strategy
but what about hope
∎
Tue Jul 23 14:28:01 2019
> Haikus cannot fit
> the Reliability
> Reset on one line
treynor curve schmeynor curve
pendulum swinging now
back to stability
FOLLOW THE RULES
when things are once again
quasi-reliable
back to velocity
I HAVE NO TOOLS
∎
Tue Jul 23 14:32:05 2019
> multi-region push
> or unsupervised changes
> sloe blossoms falling
Headless Chromium
is the other project run
by the Queen of Hearts
∎
Wed Aug 7 12:50:52 2019
don't check your inbox
as an aid to waking up
you will be nerd-sniped
which is just to say
I have made a huge mistake
forgive me (or don't)
my blood is angry
probably delicious, but
neither sweet nor cold
∎
Thu Aug 8 15:10:32 2019
Python and Go are
not ergonomic to code
in a document
and now I know how
interview candidates feel
(yes, whiteboards are worse)
∎
Thu Aug 8 22:49:47 2019
> make software better
> so google can sell more ads
> found meaning of life
less like forty-two
more like forty-six and two
(just ahead of me)
∎
Mon Aug 19 14:48:24 2019
things I hate today:
me, Visual Studio
Bazel, Kokoro
for turning last night
into round after round of
fuckin' whack-a-mole
∎
Thu Aug 29 16:06:32 2019
> isn't it that
> lawyercats
> are always about debasing?
chief pizzicato
is about plucking around
sorry, what G string
∎
Wed Sep 11 19:18:55 2019
the oil is flowing
I need to watch things fry from
a food-safe distance
vicariously
I grill while the whole world fries
it all tastes the same
∎
Thu Sep 19 19:28:23 2019
> TODOs with my name;
> But I have no memory
> of this TBR
our PABX
seems to have been unplugged and
wrapped in blue ribbon
∎
Fri Sep 20 02:02:02 2019
> Maybe is somebody's dream
> That you'll come
> And fix their code
> So I ain't shitty no more..
I cannot save you
I can't even save myself
so just save yourself
∎
Mon Sep 30 13:24:26 2019
honkity bonkity
anser domesticus
star of an untitled
stealth puzzle game
partial reprieve from this
annus horribilis
still not as good as a
bright cleansing flame
∎
Mon Sep 30 22:27:59 2019
> sure it could get one
> but flamethrower in the lake
> doesn't even rhyme
okay, what about
gavage in the garage, then
foie gras in the car
∎
Tue Oct 1 01:41:53 2019
> garrote by carrot,
> or to die with a bow tie:
> cluedo crossover?
removing livers
sounds like Operation, but
much more delicious
∎
Thu Oct 3 17:48:34 2019
>> For questions about prod
>> Visit our Chrome Office Hours
>> And be enlightened
as Megatron says
Decepticons, transform and
wait for Annealing
> The Haiku I sent
> Was an impostor Haiku
> Spot the small error
die a thing namer
or live long enough to see
yourself be off by
∎
Thu Oct 10 18:14:00 2019
>> I am sending this
>> Reminder late once again
>> Visit us today
I see your attempt
to implement load shedding
and I applaud it
> My Haiku is poor
> And also not inspired
> I am engineer
effort is what counts
this ain't a competition
(except when it is)
∎
Thu Oct 10 18:29:51 2019
> What damn fool named them
> "Chrome SRE", instead of
> "The Propellantheads"
we have never prayed
to Chrome before because we
have no nose for it
∎
Thu Oct 10 19:01:27 2019
> Chrome's message service:
> Who called it "Tango" and not
> "The Huffing-town Post"
our insufflation
has not been insufficient
our resources have
∎
Tue Oct 22 16:40:10 2019
I could do without
feeling like I must either
record everything
or configure things
like Megastore 2.1
and have a witness
∎
Tue Nov 5 10:21:06 2019
> we all r=
> (but some animals r more
> = than others)
it's called crossing the
Rubicon Goldberg Machine
(now powered by gas)
∎
Tue Nov 5 11:23:11 2019
> a corny line, but:
> if you feel you can't say no
> just say +cc
an amaizing and
cereal exercise in
fine-grained code review
∎
Thu Nov 14 15:40:59 2019
would it make me cool
if I were to blow things up
and then walk away
who's got time to watch
there are databases that
I have to walk to
∎
Thu Nov 28 15:50:20 2019
my inbox today
RE2, Rocksteadier
Python code reviews
so maybe next year
will be the year that I find
some better niches
∎
Fri Nov 29 00:35:25 2019
we have procured a
Trinidad rum trinity
to taste and savour
my two single casks
plus Chau obtained a sample
of the '89
∎
Mon Dec 2 14:01:22 2019
an apple a day
costs more than avocado
when it's an Apple
joy is oft fleeting
with devices soon meeting
their deaths by yeeting
∎
Mon Dec 16 13:09:27 2019
I wandered in here
entirely by accident
and heard the crowd go
okay, [REDACTED]
just shake shake shake the rumour
like a daiquiri
∎
Thu Dec 19 16:15:28 2019
they wanted to push
for the first time since July
during our prod freeze
had they been drinking
ethylene alcohol *and*
ethyl alcohol
∎
Thu Jan 2 15:41:11 2020
starting the new year
by going back to basics
like what year is it
days, months, computers
faint and foreign fangles from
forever ago
regular what what
the hellmouth yawns lazily
warm and familiar
sorries as mumbled
as dimensions were jumbled
I tripped and I fell
∎
Thu Jan 9 14:50:31 2020
technical writing
is much harder than coding
(and writing haiku)
and that explains why
I almost never do it
even when I should
∎
Thu Jan 9 15:49:09 2020
> Albatross balbatross
> typing a document
> merely to educate
> users and peers
>
> add it post launch to the
> arrears-compenedium
> consigned to oblivion
> (at most in 10 years)
meanie pants meanie bants
regular expertise
surgery on hell's heart
that stabs at me
hardly a day without
psychopathology
errors and terrors I
cannot unsee
∎
Thu Jan 16 21:51:24 2020
> Bigcluster Gateway: A Haiku
>
> These special snowflakes
> Deprecated all these years
> We will not miss you
named the replacement
after a popular and
auspicious device
∎
Sun Jan 19 17:06:20 2020
> When I am an old engineer I shall code purple
> With a RedHat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
> And I shall spend my fun budget
> on brandy and summer gloves
Pardon my French, but...
il y avait un vieil ingénieur
qui était l'un des meilleurs
il détestait le nuage
(il préférait la plage)
parce qu'il n'était pas un branleur
∎
Mon Feb 24 19:30:34 2020
rum masterclass with
Alexandre Gabriel
of Maison Ferrand
and then daiquiris
with a possible chance of
flaming pineapples
∎
Wed Feb 26 21:30:42 2020
> a stone gathers moss
> as I search: high, low, across,
> perf-ect albatross
they see me rolling
they hating and trying to
ask for full feedback
∎
Mon Mar 2 12:17:56 2020
booked myself in for
a followup appointment
from the other week
Sponsored Haiku
too many hyphens
please to eliminate two
I'm not a crackpot
∎
Wed Mar 4 15:09:12 2020
> perf, oncall, and rain
> my strategy today is plain:
> complain, drain, abstain
the rain in Sydney
stays mainly in the gutter
like our politics
∎
Wed Mar 4 15:09:37 2020
> 18 crows stay dry
> huddled from the Sydney rain;
> corvid 19 soars.
monarchs loot birdhouse
queen gets away with murder
king, outdone, takes rook
∎
Mon Mar 9 13:56:53 2020
> for perfing on time
> human can have little a
> illness, as a treat
the quintessence of
"no good deed goes unpunished"
would have to be Perf
∎
Mon Mar 9 14:45:32 2020
> [instrumental, 16 bars]
> poor old jamie hey
> sounded sad because he can't haiku
> but he moved some boq to autocap
mon joli virus
quand allez-vous me donner
quelques citrons verts
∎
Mon Mar 16 15:10:58 2020
day one: it begins
fortunately, the abyss
is working from home
and waiting for me
on our permanent Hangout
from five years ago
∎
Mon Mar 30 15:12:31 2020
the only book that
Donald Trump has ever read
would appear to be
the DIY book
by the Four Horsemen titled
Apocalypse How
∎
Wed Apr 8 18:06:45 2020
> prince charming maintains
> social distancing now
> sleeping beauty sleeps
in Bizarro World
us get to schlep around less
and sleep around more
∎
Thu Apr 30 19:12:59 2020
> If Oz has "Wom-bats",
> where are the matching "wom-balls"?
> In Bulgaria?
Toyota gave me
the option of alloy wheels
on this Fortuner
∎
Fri May 22 05:09:17 2020
> Wow that's an oldie
> Now I wonder how many
> Current HWops Bled
Voltage HwOps and
Resistance HwOps sound like
a power struggle
∎
Wed Jun 3 17:09:25 2020
> thirteen clowns all dressed
> in riot gear tumble from
> a tiny humvee
watch the ringmaster
pull the circus ring open
with his tiny hands
∎
Fri Jul 3 14:15:27 2020
> i don't always test
> seven syllables removed
> it's in production
hey, I'm just thankful
that no one thought to suggest
using a regexp
∎
Fri Jul 17 02:51:18 2020
> Zombie Achilles
> Repeatedly cries out "Help!"
> F1 could answer
when pressing F1
ensure that you aren't also
depressing F1
∎
Wed Jul 22 20:05:08 2020
> further enhance your calm
> avoid the pages with
> silence manager
"silence, manager"
seems like a great thing to say
one month before Perf
∎
Sat Aug 1 12:03:00 2020
> And that is the one
> we're not even gonna try
> only Qubos lost
to know your spanner
you must become your spanner
(trenchcoat included)
∎
Tue Aug 11 10:28:32 2020
> Tickets laid to rest,
> problems fixed with trusty shears.
> Those poor, poor naked yaks.
>
> (I tried)
and I cried because
an otherwise good haiku
ended up off by
∎
Wed Aug 19 17:13:33 2020
> assign all the bugs
> to the nearest spare TL
> net despair plummets
the chickens came home
many years ago to roost
and died in their sleep
∎
Thu Aug 27 17:05:36 2020
why work when I can
wallow in anxiety
about tomorrow
training others? ☑️
I don't know the topic? ☑️
at 9am? ☑️
congratulations
they finally found a way
to make Perf seem good
∎
Fri Aug 28 14:16:32 2020
unfortunately
this morning's shopping errands
haven't done themselves
"I'll just read this mail"
is one of the great techniques
of self-deception
∎
Mon Aug 31 20:29:28 2020
blissfully burning
a quarter of a million
units of compute
never noticing
or wondering why the job
is taking so long
with kabazaiku
I shall craft a clue-by-four
with which to beat you
∎
Fri Sep 25 16:23:48 2020
documentation
will become inconsistent
eventually
proving that it is
the opposite of data
in this TED talk, I
∎
Tue Oct 6 21:03:44 2020
perhaps the worst thing
about this lifestyle is the
accidental nap
don't misunderstand
it's great for lazy days off
but not while working
∎
Thu Oct 8 15:03:00 2020
> As a casual
> bystander I applaud your
> defiant comments
no point just wishing
to hold them to account for
the damage they do
∎
Tue Oct 13 11:51:55 2020
> you should have earmarked
> so your recursive sublease
> can still be unwound
when I'm finished here
there will be a lot of marks
on more than just ears
∎
Tue Oct 13 17:39:53 2020
> occasionally
> they turn to fun discussions
> with c-toolchain-team
the promised land of
milk and fascinating bugs
(but the milk is sour)
∎
Tue Nov 3 06:27:45 2020
> some dehydration
> makes distinction difficult
> better to Pickle
best to avoid CLIF
unless you really want to
get your corniche on
∎
Wed Nov 4 21:42:43 2020
eh la madonna
election beset by dear
leader à l'orange
meanwhile, pirate bae
has shared the TCP tape
a torrent indeed
∎
Mon Nov 9 23:55:23 2020
"what kind of lies do
you usually have here"
he asked the Googler
"oh, we got both kinds
we got monitoring *and*
documentation"
∎
Mon Nov 23 21:34:39 2020
> I think you will find
> it is not a door stop these days
> but a space capsule
like a space capsule
there's a high chance that it will
end up in the sea
∎
Wed Dec 2 22:35:22 2020
"Christmas is writing
all the code you can write while
the writing is good"
"the only real joy
for a Google engineer
is g4 rm"
∎
Mon Dec 14 23:42:13 2020
no heroes, they said
so I'm fine till they come for
the antiheroes
endlessly sifting
bits to feed an addiction
endlessly shifting
hamster on a wheel
for eternity because
I know nothing else
∎
Thu Dec 17 22:11:01 2020
as if countries like
America and England
weren't broken enough
it turns out that they
restrict alcohol imports
now what do I do
∎
Tue Dec 29 15:23:06 2020
it took just one week
for my brain to revert to
asking questions like
what is computer
and then having answered that
why is computer
∎
Wed Dec 30 16:56:17 2020
heading out to make
one more booze delivery
in the afternoon
but not staying out
because I'm conserving spoons
for the day after
∎
Tue Jan 12 23:40:46 2021
we all remember
what they say about time flies
(they weren't here today)
but did you know that
space flies where you're having fun
(they weren't here either)
∎
Tue Jan 19 17:20:17 2021
> Anonymous Wolf
> Panda, Bat, and Goose
> all saying the same
>
> It’s beyond high time
> we are rocking steady now
> in all GFEs
thanks for your patience
I need more venti lattes
before I see you
∎
Wed Jan 20 13:26:53 2021
> I don't want the world
> just a DC, yeah a place
> to invoke tools/span
when everything's maked
by my bro ken, you just want
to run who i am
∎
Wed Feb 3 22:41:03 2021
the dusk of the reign
of the first Prod emperor
most likely the last
dots and dashes mapped
reduced to dust and ashes
is this how it ends
∎
Thu Jun 10 14:20:59 2021
this trend of people
not coming back from remote
or from lengthy leave
not to mention those
who have left or are leaving
more disillusioned
I salute you all
for demonstrating a strength
that I don't possess
∎
Fri Jun 25 18:22:12 2021
> T7 visions
> (cow definitely lacked eight)
> now, he's passed yer eyes
"OOO... for good"
and here I was thinking that
it was for evil?
well done on coaxing
a rare reply out of me
in this medium
∎